Never put first, don't feel loved. I need help

I need a shoulder to cry on. Metaphorically. 

So My s/o and I have been fighting quite a bit, the last week his made a lot of comments and jokes about me being fat, or eating or not exercising enough or just not doing anything in general. I don't know what's gotten into him recently. But anyway. 

My parents split when I was 17 right and at that time I was with my ex we had been together for 6 years  and when it all happened my life kind of went to shit and I felt like love never last. I broke up with that guy because I needed to figure my life out because of what had gone on. Since meeting My s/o I lost that feeling, right up until about last week everything was fine. I saw myself having kids we where currently TTC and marrying him (he had told my mother and all our friends that he is going to marry me some day) and us living a great life. But now I feel like the computer is his best friend, I'm not the first thing on his mind, he seems to put my wants on the back burner not last week but the week prior he promised me he would go to regional flavours with me at Southbank in Brisbane, but he chose to go out to a party with two mates and in the morning never came home. I called him and asked wtf he was doing and he just asked to postpone going but I couldn't as the people I wanted to see talk wherent talking any other day so I went, nearly by myself. But My best friend didn't want me to go alone. So she ended up tagging along. 

Last night I was able to name 9 things that he doesn't like about me, I feel like our relationship is plummeting and I'm scared because I don't feel like he wants to do this. 

Last night I cried to him and said that I needed to talk to him and that his my best friend so I should be able to but he was busy on the computer so I walked out and after he finished what he was doing on it he came out but I was so upset and felt like the way I was feeling was right I got angry and he didn't want to speak he just fucked back off to the computer. When I had to leave to go get My best friend from the city he sent me this

I'm sorry for being a shit boyfriend. I don't know how to change to be what you want but being myself obviously isn't enough for you. I don't know what to do anymore...

It makes me feel like I'm always the one making him out to be the problem yet this time I tried to explain that it wasn't entirely his fault. I sent him back this. 

Yeah it's shit not feeling like I'm the most important thing. 

Yeah I needed to be held tonight I needed you to be my best friend but you didn't give a fuck. 

But it's not that your not enough I knew you wherent ready for a relationship and I pushed you into one so yes we need to be patient with each other. But I'm scared. I'm scared we are just going to fight more and more and never be happy. I'm scared your going to end up hating everything about me. I'm scared your going to leave. I'm scared I'm not good enough. I'm scared we are going to just be the couple that lives together because that's easiest for us and avoid our problems. I'm scared that your going to get over this, me, us. I'm scared and this is my coping mechanism, Iv always run away to keep myself from getting hurt. But I'm upset most because I don't want that I want to work through this I want you to help me fix my problems. 

I want you for the rest of my life but I feel like you don't want that. I'm freaking out and I just need you to step up and be that rock when I can't be. I fucking needed you tonight but no I had to bottle up my emotions and just move on because you don't want to deal with it. You hate me talking to people about the way I feel and I haven't but keeping this bottled up I can't do because I'm so fucking scared man and your meant to be the one I can talk to. What was once quirky things you liked about me you now hate and I fear that's just going to be how you feel about all of me soon.

And his reply was fuck this I'm not doing this with you and went to bed. I asked him today to re go through it because I really wanted advice and some reassurance but all I got was

IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, I LOVE YOU, IM NOT DATING YOU BECAUSE ITS EASY BECAUSE IT SURE AS HELL ISNT, YOURE GOOD ENOUGH PROBABLY TOO GOOD EVEN, ILL NEVER BE OVER YOU I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY, CUT THE COPING SHITyou can talk to whoever you want about this, i just dont like being put down to other people I love you. now stop stressing.

But it's just not exactly helping. I was still so upset tonight and today the first thing he said this morning while making breakfast. I was like oh man I'm so hungry and he was like no your not stop eating. It just fucking hurts. I know I'm fat I know that but I'm trying to do it by myself trying to loose the weight I mean im studying fitness at tafe  for Christ sake so I learn how to loose it and keep the weight off and be healthy and I am in learning and I have lost weight. 

In bed I was still upset and it ended up in a fight he just rolled over and went to sleep I said to him I need to feel loved I need to be put first I need some reassurance, I don't feel like after the way he speaks to me that he is going to love me forever I don't feel good enough and it's crushing me. I feel the way I felt when my parents split up and running is my coping mechanism but I don't want to do that with him and so I'm trying to show him and get him to understand but he doesn't want to. He said that he doesn't want to try because I'll just end up leaving anyway and I keep on telling him that's not going to happen I keep making sure he knows I love him but I always get accused of cheating, which never ever ever has or ever will happen. 

He just rolled over and went to sleep and I just don't know how to feel.

His had it hard too his ex who he had been with for 6 years had been cheating on him and he found out the day he was coming back from getting the engagement ring. 

I'm not her though, he can't ruin me or treat me like I'm going to just walk away but my doing so he is pushing me away he is making me feel like I deserve better. 

I did everything for him I cook I clean I was up I drive I do the shopping I pack his lunch for race I go to work after tafe. I do it all and he doesn't seem to care I just don't know how to feel. This grass was green, and it might look greener on the other side but usually it's just fake grass. I don't want to leave my dying grass when I could just water it and I'm trying to but I need help. I need advice