He has consumed my mind.

It's been four years, and I can't get my ex out of my head. Since the day I broke off our engagement, he has done nothing but slander me, spread my secrets, and destroy what little pride I left him with. He was nothing but sexually and emotionally abusive to me when we were together but no one else could see it. Not even now. He's still the guy everyone calls an angel. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore, or even consider getting romantic with my now boyfriend and I know it's effecting him. I feel nothing it disgusting, I don't even want sex anymore. I want my boyfriend, and the sex, when we do have it, is great. I don't know how to move past this. I have no one to talk to about any of this. I've considered going back to therapy, but I can't stand the thought of being in my head. It's crowded enough with me in there. Lately people at work and home life have been telling me to smile more, you'd frown if you could hear my thoughts too. I'm so fucking depressing it's ridiculous. I'm tired of feeling like I'm sucking the happiness out of my boyfriends life because of trauma from my past. Someone, help me.