I just need to let this out. And I know a lot of people don't care. And that's okay but I need to say it somewhere. I'm 6 months pregnant. Today is our 2 year wedding anniversary. I'm super freaking depressed. It's not hormones. I have reasons. I had plans for a career and because I'm pregnant I can't follow through and I can't and won't leave my child for 4 months to go pursue that career. I feel stuck. Trapped. My husband told me it would be so hot if I were a Web designer. I hate computers. And I'm hurt that a job like that would make me more attractive to him. Especially because I've always told him making more money would never effect my feelings for him (he's constantly trying to make more money, we currently well off between our two jobs). I'm hurt he feels that way. He also told me I should start working out. I've gained 10lbs throughout my pregnancy whereas he has gained 45lbs since the wedding. I feel like I'm held to a standard, like I'm not good enough.

I don't trust my husbands family to baby sit. They don't care what we want and frankly I don't want them babysitting at all. They are overbearing and expect me to go the extra mile while they go nowhere for me. I'm stressed that they effect decisions we make because we don't feel like dealing with bull crap.

I'm scared I'm going to look back on my life and be disappointed because I stayed at a job, even though it's a good job, a job I don't like. I'm scared I'll be disappointed in myself.

Today should be a good day. But I could just sit here and cry. I just needed to say that. I know there's really not much I can do. I don't even know where to start. I just... I feel so heavy and empty at the same time. I love this baby, and we tried so hard for him. But reality is setting in, and I'm scared.