-cried when I left the hospital because I was terrified of how to care for two newborns!

-cried at looking at them. Thinking how cute they are. 

-scared to death of SIDS! Couldn't sleep cause I had to make sure they were still breathing- getting better at this. 

-sad thinking about how tied down my DH and I are now. No more carefree travel lifestyle. Selfish I know:(

-scared of dropping them. 

- HATE my pp body. Stomach is so gross. No time for gym either. 

-angry/scared when I'm alone at night since they are the worst then with sleeping and crying.

-resent my DH for being able to be at work while I do diapers changing feeding all day. 

-sometime look at them and feel like I can't grasp that they came from me. Hard to explain here. 

-was up for many hours and fell asleep holding my baby and jerked myself awake. Feeling so much guilt!

-I'm so quick to blame myself for things. Like my BM supply is pathetic. So I feel bad. I literally pump every day so they at least get something. 

-great appetite most days. Other days I don't eat much. 

-angry at friends and family who seemed to care/check in more befire they were born! 

-when I do nap I wake up very anxious! Heart racing and sweating! Then sad to say I get upset knowing the next several hours are the same routine.

-angry at DH who hasn't been affectionate or said anything supportive/sweet since they were born. He doesdiapers and laundry but I want a hug or a you're doing ok. I've even thought that I might regret having kids w him! Married several years too. 

- feeling like I can't handle two. 

Maybe I'm not a good mom. Always wanted to be a mom. Have motherly instincts w other babies/kids. I hold our babies. I take pics. I'm happy when they burp. I just feel disconnected. And scared. And anxious. And feeling hopeless/not sure what to look forward too since it's so hard. I don't want to feel this. I don't want to be so out of it that I snap or yell etccc. I want to know what I can do. Thanks y'all