I'm so tired of trying. Or maybe rather waiting and hoping.

First I was hoping for my ex to change his mind, then for my next ex to be ready to settle up enough for kids and a house. Now I finally have a partner who wants to have kids with me, but I am already long in my 30's, with PCOS, and he is 15 years older. We don't have much more time considering his age, thinking of how long does he have energy for growing the child up.

He is, however, stressed and tired all the times, so that there hasn't really been much trying happening... We have now lived together for 4 years, without any preventives, and at least for 2 years has it been so quiet in the bedroom. I am beginning to loose hope. We agreed long ago that we would not go through any treatments if we wouldn't manage TC without, as my body has a tendency to get messed up very badly from any additional hormones. I also think that our bodies know some things, like when we are fit enough to become parents. (Both of us have health issues. Nothing that interferes directly, but affects our wellbeing and energy levels.)

So, it seems we will not get any children. It makes me so utterly hopeless. I will most likely be a widow, so it also means lonely old days for me. I know I would probably be exhausted by the diminishing amount of me-time and the amount of noise etc that kids bring along, but it is part of life and the most exhausting period will pass.