My husband and I found out that I was pregnant at the beginning of the year and we married two weeks later. We had a wedding shower in March and now we are getting ready for the baby shower. You see, his house was owned by his mom who is a hoarder. We have been cleaning on it all year long and it's a lot better than it was bug we haven't started the nursery yet at all. In fact, we've been cleaning it and it's the last room left to clean! I have heard some horrible comments about me. Two weeks after we were married, someone told me that if I didn't get the house clean, my husband would not want to come home to me. My family has been pushing us to take out a loan to paint the whole house (it's an old house that was built in 1958) and redo all the floors. My husband is working a ton because his job is requiring everyone to sign up for overtime. The water pump has gone out along with the hot water heater and the stove. My husband has told me that he doesn't want anyone at our house unless he's there because the last time my mom came down there, she moved a bunch of stuff outside and it rained after she left. I've heard that I don't clean my house, which I do everyday and it is becoming extremely hard, especially since I don't have any help. I've heard that I sleep too much and that's why nothing gets done at all. I've heard that I need to ask my husband to throw more things in the house away. I've heard that since he has six weeks off after the baby is born, we should use that time for house renovations. That is totally retarded. We're both going to be tired after having this baby. People have been begging me to change my baby's name. I don't even talk about working after my baby is born because they hate that. My husband is so stressed that now he has hypertension, which he has never had before. He is in the military part time and works a full time job. My family keeps asking me if he is really going to do house updates or if he's just talking about it. They talk about him like he's lazy. His job understands nothing and they didn't want to give him paternity leave. I told him to just wait until next year to do house renovations and just pay someone to do it. Family found out and they hated that idea. On top of all of this, we found out that our baby is getting big so they may induce me early. My dad and brother are painting the nursery on the day of the baby shower, which is in two weeks. They wanted to do it this week while my husband is away but family was upset because hubby said wait. Baby is due in a little over a month. I'm just so tired. I feel like a compete failure. I feel like a bitch no one should have as a wife or mom. Sometimes I wonder why I am pregnant. My husband is amazing but why did he choose my fat ass? He could have had anyone! I don't even feel like I can bond with my baby at all. My husband feels stressed whenever we talk about the baby coming. I feel like not talking to my family, but I don't want to cut them off from my baby, especially when my grandma doesn't have much time left. My mom and dad are going to be grandparents. (There are 35 people in my mom's side alone.) I just feel exausted and annoyed. I feel like everyone is trying to control me and my husband. I feel like the biggest failure ever. My house isn't all clean and organized like it should be. I'm not energetic like I shoud be. My pelvis hurts so bad that I can hardly walk but I feel like I deserve the pain because I'm such a bad person. I'm going to deserve every pain in labor. I'm just such a whore for getting pregnant. I don't want to feel that way. I want to love my baby. I wouldn't give anything for her and I'm sooo happy that I have her! I just wish I felt better. I can't wait to hold her in my arms. My husband hasn't done anything or said anything. He does his best to help me when he can. I'm just so tired :'(