Trying to have positive thoughts & enjoy this precious time

5weeks & 1day... This pregnancy is different in many ways, I'm in a great job have a lovely supportive partner & no worries at all except for the fear of losing my little bean again, why is it so hard to not have the saddest darkest thoughts every time I get a cramp 1 side or every time I go to the toilet I'm inspecting the tissue for a spot of blood? When will I feel relaxed & happy to have a little miracle growing inside? I feel a sense of relief when I feel nauseous or have heartburn like that's the only way to confirm everything will be ok, I thought trying to conceive was hard but this worry is worse for me