Oh goodness, you guys!

 (He grabbed a bottle of "Extra virgin olive oil" off a shelf the other day, and he just smiled and laughed.) 

 Well, he and I have hit it off so well. I'm incredibly attracted to him. I can't imagine not spending time with him. He's so much fun and so sweet!

Being a virgin is hard. Let me tell ya! 

First of all, he's sexy as hell!!

Second, he likes to hold my hands behind my back sometimes when we are just hanging out with people and talking. I'm beginning to realize, I'm gonna be a 'ropes and cuffs' kind of girl when I do have sex just because of this. (He grabbed me by the ponytail tonight and pulled my head back and kissed me. I was uncomfortable with how excited I was because I lost all control of myself at the moment. Haha) 

One of two things, he doesn't realize what he's doing and is just mindlessly fiddling with our hands. OR!! He knows exactly what he's doing, and he can somehow tell he's turning me on. 

THIRD, he's the absolute best kisser. He kisses me a lot, but every now and then, we get a moment in private or semi private when we get a good kiss. My bottom lip is always slightly between his lips and he flicks his tongue just across the surface for a moment. At first, I was like,"The hell? Is he trying to make out with me in public?!" Now that I know that it's just how he kisses, it's my favorite thing. Ever. It turns me on almost every time. 

He kissed me tonight while I was telling him something, and I had to stop and look away for a solid minute before I could compose myself to continue on. He just smiles. It's like he knows, yet he only does it because he knows how he affects me. 

Lastly, I know he is attracted to me. I'm a hardcore people pleaser. (I used to get turned on just knowing it would make my ex happy because he was turned on.) Well, I know this guy is getting to the point where he's needing to show his affection in a sexual way. He's been holding me in different spots and kissing my neck and things he didn't do before. Therefore, I'm turned on because he's turned on. 

I'm struggling. I know that he would never make me have sex with him, and he'd probably not even have sex with me unless it was "perfect and romantic" because that's just how he is. Especially for my first time. BUT, boy, will I struggle to contain myself, if I ever stay the night with him. Oh my goodness... I just don't know what to do. I'd like to know the guy for a while before I go giving it up to him! He's just making it as difficult as it could be for me! 😒

I just needed a place to vent. I'm screaming inside while sitting here next to my mom. I needed to get it out. 😭