I guess...

I guess I'll be crying myself to sleep again tonight. I'm depressed y'all. Not PP depression, I don't even notice it when I'm up and busy. It's not until moments like now where I have down time that I just can't hold it in and bawl my eyes out. I can't sleep. I haven't eaten hardly anything in 2 days. It's only getting worse. I don't let my kids or baby, or anyone see me like this, I'm pretty good at faking happiness during the day. But when everyone is asleep and my job for the day is done, I lie in bed, tossing and turning until my husband falls asleep, And then I stay awake and cry. Do I think about anything during this time. Loads. I think about going to sleep and not waking up. But I love my kids too much for that. I think it's safe to say they're the only things keeping me from doing something stupid. If I didn't have 3 little people depending on me all the time I'd probably do it. I don't know what to do.. My doc is booked for a while. My husband doesn't talk about things like this, and what I thought was my best friend stopped talking to me and coming around about 3 1/2 months ago when my baby was born. All I know is, I hate feeling like this. I want to enjoy life again. I want to be able to eat and sleep again. I want to be happy again. 😥