I don't understand how I can be so exhausted and could literally fall asleep standing up when I have to be anywhere that's not my bed but the moment that I look forward to all day.. the moment that I turn the fan next to my bed on setting 3 and my head hits my memory foam pillow, Idk if it's my brain that won't shut up or my eyes that refuse to close/stay closed that's to blame but I'm laying in bed so frustratingly (I don't think that's a word) awake and it's 4:49am..

I'm only 6w 2d and with how my sleep has been thus far I can NOT imagine where I'm going to be in 15, 20, 30 weeks from now trying to sleep with a watermelon in my shirt..

Is anyone else consistenly struggling with this? Not to mention worrying and stressing out? :( If so, are you continuing to struggle or have you developed any remedies that have worked for you? I'm so incredibly concerned because I know how crucial sleep is for any human and especially those of us that have precious developing miracles that are counting on our sleep to adequately provide for them..

And further (I've already typed a ton, hopefully someone's still with me here) my sleeping and eating habits/patterns rely HEAVILY on each other.. and when one is lacking or out of whack I can ALWAYS count on the other to follow suite. If I'm not able to sleep I'm not able to eat. And if I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping.

There is so much going on apart from this pregnancy alone (family shit, s.o./baby's father being locked up shit, first time pregnancy terrors shit) and I just feel so excruciatingly overwhelmed like such an overall MESS and am so terrified that I'm going to overthink and force myself right into a "m-word". I'm seriously obsessing about losing this blessing.. Or something going terribly wrong developmentally and it was because of me.. I know it's terribly unhealthy and certainly isn't doing any favors, but I literally can't stop my mind from racing on these thoughts all. day. long. I just NEED to find calmness.. stillness and reassurance and put it into God's hands but I'm really struggling. :( :(

I'm really hoping a collection of, or even a single lady has stumbled upon this whiney, and probably overly dramatic short novel of a post and has some insight to shed or can even just relate and therefore ensure me that I'm not losing my marbles. That everything will be okay.. That their situation might have been similar and now they have a beautiful healthy baby to love on.

Nothing but positive vibes and well wishes to all of you and your beautiful temple of a body. ♡