This is going to be long and I apologize in advance. I am currently 19 weeks pregnant with our first (very much planned/wanted) baby. Unfortunately, this joyous occasion seems to have also brought some ugly feelings to the forefront.

My best friend and I have been friends for almost 20 years. We've been through the normal ups and downs of life, along with a healthy dash of the crazy stuff. We were both each other's Maid/Matron-of-Honor (we got married within a week of each other) and we've always planned on throwing the other's baby shower if/when we had kids.

I have another close friend of many years who is not only my former roommate and bridesmaid, she also happens to be married to my husband's best friend (who is an extended family member of mine). She and BFF had a falling out of epic proportions right after my wedding, eight years ago. I've never been able to get the full details of this falling out from either of them because they've both said, "She's your friend and I refuse to talk badly about her to you." That was a view I could respect so I never really pushed the issue.

When I announced my pregnancy, Friend #2 was absolutely ecstatic. I don't even know how she's doing it, but somehow she's just always saying/doing the perfect thing to make this first-time mom feel less afraid and more secure. BFF seemed more shocked than anything else, though she was congratulatory. Friend #2 has three children while BFF does not have any, so perhaps that played a factor in their reactions.

Friend #2 expressed a very strong interest in either throwing or being a part of throwing my baby shower. I told her that with the hard feelings between her and BFF, it probably wouldn't be a good idea. In my perfect world they would be able to work together, but that probably wouldn't happen. I told BFF the same thing.

Friend #2 took it upon herself to message BFF on Facebook to try and extend the proverbial olive branch. They hadn't spoken in eight years and she wanted to try and make amends for my sake and so things wouldn't be awkward at the shower (no matter who planned it).

That's when things hit the fan. When Friend #2 told me about the message (I read it and it was very nice/respectful), I contacted BFF to let her know that it was from Friend #2 on her own and not at my prompting. Honestly, if I had known beforehand, I'd have recommended that message never have been sent, because BFF seemed blindsided by it. She promptly turned around and completely blocked Friend #2 on Facebook and backed out of my shower all together, stating that with the family connection it just "made more sense" for Friend #2 to throw it. Besides, as a photographer she'd have plenty of opportunity to celebrate this baby's arrival. I was shocked at her (to me) out of proportion reaction, but we went ahead and scheduled a time so that we could take photos for an official pregnancy announcement.

Flash forward a week or two to the photo shoot. In the interim, I haven't talked to her once (at her request), just Facebook messaged, because she said the whole situation with Friend #2 had put her in "a bad head space" (her words) and she wasn't up to talking about it. We do the shoot and my husband and I take her out to dinner afterward because she refused to take money for the session. The whole thing was surreal and a bit awkward. She was perfectly pleasant, but markedly distant. In a moment alone I asked her if we were okay and she responded with a shrug and, "I'm trying to be." The rest of the night goes by with strained small talk and we all go home.

Over the next couple of weeks, BFF messages me regarding the announcements (they turn out beautifully), but that's it. She doesn't answer or return my calls and won't really even message about anything else beyond what she would with a client. I finally message her and ask if we can really talk yet. She responds with, "There's nothing to talk about." I message her back saying that I think there is. I'm feeling a definite freeze out from her at a time when I'm especially raw and vulnerable (being pregnant for the first time and all) and it hurts.

She kind of went ballistic. The basic gist of it was how she felt that she was no longer a priority, hadn't been for a long time, and she didn't appreciate being made to feel like she was being unreasonable. There were a lot of examples that she brought forward that were simply untrue/confused, like stating I didn't even know her husband had moved for a job in another state (I sat with her on the phone for hours in the days leading up to the move and the day he left), or how I would ignore her text messages (I have never done so, though she lives in an area with very spotty reception so maybe I didn't get them?). She also expressed resentment that I didn't tell her my husband and I were trying for a baby (we didn't tell anyone and I got pregnant on the first cycle).

I responded with a thank you for opening up and stressing how I would like to talk about this in person because I believed our friendship was worth fighting for. It's been about a week and there's been total radio silence since then. No response to my messages, though they've been marked as read. I've called; no answer.

Frankly, I'm confused and stressed and hurt and feeling like this whole friendship was one sided. Were we friends just out of habit? Is it time to just write her off? Sorry for the novel, I'm just not sure where to go from here. 😞