Mind if I vent a while?

Okay, so I got married when I was 20. My husband was in the Army, and left on a deployment a couple months after our wedding. We discussed trying to conceive when he returned home. We tried and tried, and was disappointed every time. I asked my doctor what we could do since my visit fell before the doctor would intervene to assist. She told me that because of my irregular periods (and possible PCOS, which I was never tested for), that I would probably never have a child. Oh, and on top of that she told me that I was too fat to conceive. So long story short, my husband held this against me for the remainder of our marriage, but never said anything until our last fight. We divorced before our third anniversary. He started seeing other women behind my back, and became very abusive. He had me convinced that I was a piece of shit and that I didn't deserve to live. I started cutting and considered suicide several times. After dealing with the abuse for two years, I knew if I didn't kill myself first, he would, so after our last fight (where he called the cops trying to convince them that I attempted to rape him, and then got pissed because the cops didn't believe his lie and told him he had to leave) I filed for divorce and never looked back. 

That was two years ago. Throughout the last half of my marriage and up until February of this year I had really bad periods. Once we started trying for a baby and I went off of the pill (which I had only been put on to regulate my periods in the first place) things went super crazy. I would skip a month or two, and then bleed for a month or more. Then things would regulate, and then go crazy again. I saw my doctor again and she put me back on the pill since I wouldn't be having kids after all. Throughout my divorce I was really depressed and I blamed most of my period issues to being stressed. I was left homeless, husband-less, and broke (cause I wasn't allowed to have a job or my own money, and all my savings had been spent) with three fur-babies to care for. Luckily my parents allowed us to come live with them. 

I started seeing someone pretty soon after my divorce, and things got pretty serious. I was so lucky that he understood that my body hates me and was working against me. But I felt so bad having to deny him sex when it's what we both wanted. Things escalated to where I was bleeding heavily for 4 months. At one point I went to the ER looking for answers. After sonograms, and bloods tests, the only thing they diagnosed me with was dehydration and severe anemia. They asked if I was on the pill and I told them that the pill didn't help anymore. They suggested I visit my gyno. So I saw my doctor hoping for some answers. I should've known better. She suggested I try an IUD. Since she didn't give me an option, I said yes. Within two days the heavy bleeding caused it to fall out. So I called again. This time they told me my last option was the shot. I was desperate so I agreed. They said to give it time and then we would go from there. I asked about a D&C, but was told that because I was young, and had never given birth that wasn't an option for me. 

A week before I was due to go in for my third shot I called a doctor my sisters neighbor had suggested. She worked in his office and said that he was great. He got me in the next day. He performed the exam, and asked tons of questions. He asked me to give him some time because I was a tricky case but he promised he would do everything to help me. He performed tests, actually spent time talking to me and did more than my other doctor in the 5 years I went to her. 

Ultimately I had to have surgery. I had the D&C that my other doctor denied me to remove several fibroids that had taken over my uterus. He fixed all my problems, and it only took 3 months! After my surgery and all the exams my new doctor said that aside from the fibroids, there is no reason whatsoever that I should not be able to have children. Which should be really exciting news. Except my boyfriend had a vasectomy a few years ago after he and his now ex-wife had their second child. 

Our relationship had a rocky start and at one point he told me that we shouldn't be together just in case my (old) doctor was wrong and I could have kids. At that time I had come to terms with it. And I'm so deeply in love with him. There is no other man out there for me. He is everything I've ever wanted in a man and then some. More times than not I feel like he's more than I deserve. But he will not have the reversal surgery, and I couldn't ask that of him anyways. But after all these years thinking I would never be able to be a mom, that I would never get to experience carrying a child all because my body hated me, and now knowing that having a child is a real possibility for me I find myself more sad than I was before. It hurts worse knowing that I can, but won't. It's too early still to discuss other options with my boyfriend, but I truly don't think he would want another child considering he's 15 years older than me, and his age bothers him far more than its ever bothered me. And not having children together isn't a deal breaker for me. It just makes me sad knowing that I will never get to experience the only thing I've ever really wanted to experience. 

I'm sorry this was so long. I just don't have family and friends that I can go to with stuff like this. Thank you to those of you that made it this far.