Avalyn's birth story
Now that she's over 72 hrs old, I'm staring to grasp and accept how she came into the world. Caution: it was traumatic for me, but it may not sound like that big of a deal. It wasn't an experience that I ever care to have again.
Let me first explain that, with the exception of a couple things, I did not have a birth plan. Actually, I did: get baby out. But I didn't have specifics, I'm more of the go-with-the-flow kind of person so that I wouldn't get disappointed when things don't pan out the way I wanted. The things I didn't view as optional were skin-to-skin, my husband cutting the cord and being the only one in the room, and the first person to see should announce if it's a boy/girl (we kept it a surprise and I wanted that Hollywood moment!)
Contractions woke me from sleep on Tuesday, Aug 30th at 2:30 am. It was back labor and the pain was not what I expected. It felt like super bad gas. So after a few contractions and failed trips to the bathroom, I drank a couple glasses of water- in case it was Braxton hicks and not the real deal. By 3:30 am I had vomited up everything and decided going back to sleep was out of the question. I was also trying my hardest I to keep quiet to not alarm my husband (poor guy had one last big meeting that day) and my daughter (who had school). It wasn't easy since all I could do was walk/move- sitting or laying down was completely out of question.
By 6 am rolled by, I had woken the household and warned my husband that the baby is on its way. I took a shower while he and my daughter got ready for their day. My husband took her to school after going to the office and preparing the documents for someone else to take over his meeting.
Let me tell you- it is soooo difficult to get ready when you only have a 3 minute window of time before the pain is back! Thank goodness I had only a couple of last minute things to add to my luggage!
At 8:30 am we headed to the hospital. By the time I got checked in, I was already 5cm dilated. They admitted me, gave me an IV and started pain meds. I was definitely asking for an epidural- what they don't tell you is that it takes about an hour to get the order in and run some blood work before they'll give it to you. Luckily I was 7cm when the epidural came in- they almost wouldn't give it since it was a possibility that it wouldn't take at that point.
For those of you worried about the pain of receiving an epidural- don't! It felt like a pinch and that was it. I was pleasantly surprised.
I wasn't allowed to eat since I had been vomiting all morning. I was exhausted and planned on trying to nap since I was feeling less pain, but then family showed up. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to have their support and I felt so loved to have completely filled the waiting room with my party, but I felt obligated to chat and entertain while they waited- even postpartum! And THAT is exhausting! Please have a conversation about this before hand so you don't get overwhelmed like I did- whether in the L&D room or postpartum- give them boundaries!
I was fully dilated by 1:30pm! My water had not broken though so we were told the doctor would be coming in before his c-section at 3:30 to break it and start the process. (Btw, he WASNT my chosen doctor- he was an independent that was on call for the medical practice that I see, who apparently is short-staffed). He finally came in closer to 4pm just to say he was going to do the c-section before breaking the water 😒 that finally happened around 5 pm.
At 5:30 I started pushing. I pushed and pushed. I asked over and over why no progress is being made, what I'm doing wrong, how long they're going to make me push. They said the baby's heart rate is fine, it wasn't in distress so the doctor had em keep trying. For 4 hours!!! (I'm still a bit peeved at him.) Finally at 9:30- after hours of his rude bedside manner, he said I made him miss coctail hour, my makeup is completely gone, and the baby hasn't moved in hours so they're going to do a c-section. (No freaking sh**!! I asked an hour into pushing to move forward with the alternative! There's only so many times I could hear them say "I see hair" or "it's right there, just a few more contractions!") He was seriously not my favorite person. Still isn't- probably never will be. By that time I was falling asleep between contractions, the epidural wore off and I was so exhausted that I didn't care how we got the baby out.
So we got set up. My husband dressed in his scrubs and I was off. They tried another epidural but after several tries of upping the dosage, it wasn't numbing my belly. Then they administered a spinal. The problem with the spinal is that they had to give it higher in the back, which led to me being completely numb from the neck down. I started panicking when I couldn't breathe. The nurses tried talking me into taking deep breaths, but I couldn't feel my lungs. I could not talk or move my hands. I could only shake my head when they put the oxygen mask on, which freaked me out even more. I just couldn't feel anything and it was the worst feeling in the world. They had to put me under.
I woke up in a recovery room around 1am the next morning. It was a girl.
Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly thankful to have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is the most precious thing and I would do it all over again for her.
But my husband didn't get to witness it or cut the cord. I didn't get the skin-to-skin. My family met her before I did- and I'll never get to see their reactions (I know my dad and husband cried!) I didn't get the Hollywood moment and hear "it's a girl"! Instead I get to recover from a vaginal birth AND a c-section. Never even thought could happen. I had the perfect pregnancy, I guess that was where my luck ran out.
I am mourning that loss. I am told this is normal. I went home on Thursday, September 1st- less than 48 hours after this mess. I love being home with my family, and I will take it day by day to accept that things happened the way they did.
When the pain is managed, I feel great. When I get behind on taking the medication, it's more painful to move and function. I tell you one thing is for sure: I have a sweet little doll here - 6days before due date- because I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be!
Avalyn Marie- "Ava": born 11:07pm on Aug 30, 2016. 6 lbs 14 oz. 19 inches. Perfection.
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