I just don't get it . just want my 🌈👶🏽 . I hate this waiting game .

Since all last week I've been testing for ovulation & all I've been getting is a almost ready to ovulate then slowly got lighter then started getting darker again .. Finally gave it a rest with the testing for like 4 days . Decided to check again and it's light again  ... ? Did I ever ovulate , idk ?! I had back pain and some ovary pain off and on last week . Nothing yet this week . Just some spotting or reddish / orange blood once and that's it ?! I really just want my rainbow baby . Trying not to stress and plan it cause I did that for two years and once I finally stopped trying that's when I found out about my angel baby 👼🏽💔😭