My Baby after Miscarriage.

I feel so horrible I lost my son at 20 weeks. They gave me the option to have a service for him and I declined. I later found out he was considered medical waste. I regret that decision everyday and I feel like such an awful mother. I wish I could have stepped outside my feelings and made the right decision to at least cremate him. Now I have nothing of him and I beat myself up daily over it. Idk how to forgive myself and get out this funk.