Okay, keep in mind that my boyfriend is one of the most sweetest and caring guy you'd ever meet. He's never hit or threatened me, or anything like that. But during sex, he kinda turns into someone else.

So I've had something happen to me when I was six. I was raped. My boyfriend knows, and is usually really caring and gentle during sex because of it. But every once in a while, he'll get kinda rough. When he does something like grip my neck, hair, and smack me, I just get a flash back to what happened to me.

The emergency word is sapphire. If I say that, he should stop whatever he's doing, pull out, all that.

Today, he didn't listen.

He put his hand around my neck and squeezed. I had a moment of flash back and panic, and I said sapphire.

He said, "Hold on, baby, I'm almost there." And he kept going.

I was frozen in fear. He hadn't loosened his grip on me so I was still mentally panicking. After a while, I whispered "Please."

But he kept going. Finally he pulled out and came on my stomach. Tears had already started streaming and afterwards, he felt terrible. I swear I never heard and seen someone so apologetic.

I mean, I forgive him, but what should I think about this? A part of me is kinda afraid to have sex now..