June 1 I had a beautiful baby boy. My marriage was awesome and then when we came home from the hospital everything changed. I was extremely sad and tired. My husband stopped speaking to me and I was having the most awful thoughts about myself and my baby. I just couldn't understand how I could love my baby so much and think about hurting him or myself. The turmoil with my husband didn't make it better. Going from being so in love to be roommates in a matter of days. I couldn't comprehend what was happening or why. whyMy body has changed so much more than I expected. I don't like myself anymore. I feel unattractive. I don't know how to deal with emotions that I have never felt before. I'm in a place where I feel so alone and helpless. I don't know who to talk to or where to go. All I know is that I need help. Putting on a happy face doesn't make it go away and its like I'm walking on eggshells everyday. I'm just going through the motions for my baby and no one sees that I need help even tho I tell them. I feel myself caring less and less. I don't want to spiral out of control. I'm not sure what to do. My baby is all of my strength right now.