Heads up long post..but I just have to get it out!!

The first time it happend I was 4, and he was my aunt's long time boyfriend, out in a shed...I knew it wasn't right, and after I ran inside to tell my 2 older cousins who were watching me what had happend. They just told me to shut up. I later found out he had been molesting and raping them as well. He continued for 5 years, until I was 9 and my aunt left him. He would tell me that if I told anyone, he would kill my mom and dad, and I would be left alone with him forever!!

The next one was my youth basketball coach in the 5th grade. He was also my best friends step father, and he did technically like penetrate me, but he literally tackled me in a chair in the kitchen and stuck his tongue down my throat, in front of my friends mom...she grabbed him off me and kept apologizing and took me home...later on I found out he had been sneaking into my friends room at night and raping her..I called her dad and told him, and he got custody of her, and she has became an amzing person...btw her step father got off the hook.

This April 7th 2016, was my boyfriend at the times birthday! We had almost been together for a year, he was a very sweet man, but was a drinker, up until about early March when I feel like he finally figured out he either had to choose me or the bar..so he had stoped drinking for a bit, but come his birthday he started again....I was really upset about him drinking again, and he knew but didn't care, I walked down the street from the restaurant we were at to just leave him be and not even deal with him hopefully. He called me a little while later and asked if I could come get him. I want and got him and he was just being an ass, so when we got in his apartment, he just threw his keys across the place, I walked into the bedroom to go to bed, he followed and asked for the surprise I had for him... I asked if he was gonna be nice, mind you he was wasted, but he said yes, so I end and put on a sexy little somethin, I come out and he looks and me and says " that's it"... So from that point I really didn't wanna do anything..but I decided just brush it off, as we were having vaginal intercourse, that I agreed to he asked to hit it from the back, I agreed, but then I felt him trying to go for my butt, I said stop, wrong hole...he kept trying, I yelled his name, and he kept going, I tried crawling away, he pinned me to the bed, I kept telling him to stop, saying his name over and over again, asking him to stop..finally he started to loose his balance and I pushed him away and jumped up...I ran to the other side of the room and was crying...feeling bleeding from my bottom, looking at him and he says " stop crying, if you loved me you would have just let me do it" and plops into bed, I ran to the bathroom bawling and got dressed and left...I never went back, the next day called and called and I finally told him to leave me alone...he said he remember bits and pieces of the night but not the rape, just before and after...we live in a small town and up until 2 weeks ago he would text me every day, either trying to get me back or trying to make me feel bad about myself...

Now I just feel like everyone who I know, is going to do something to me...my ex knew what happens in my childhood, I actually told her maybe 2 months before he did it to me!! I just feel like I'm fucked for life, and I will never have a normal relationship...sorry so long, any advice on how to cope is more than welcomed.