I didn't cope very well. I took to cutting and starving myself. My grades slipped; I lost my scholarship and any chance at medical school. But despite all this, I still managed to have more or less healthy sexual relationships. I had difficulty saying no to sex when I didn't want it, but my partners were always understanding and compassionate and would read my body language to see what I really wanted (or didn't want). I was very fortunate. 

Until this year. An ex of mine, who I dated for two years and who is still a very valued friend, came over to my apartment because I was having a breakdown. He comforted me and helped me get my shit together, and then he lay in bed beside me for a while and we talked about life. Suddenly, he outright asked if we could have sex. I said no. He asked again. I said no. He begged and pleaded. I kept saying no, no, no. But he wouldn't stop asking and guilting me, so finally I just said okay and tried to block it out while it was happening. I felt sick. I had said yes because it had become a choice between giving in and kicking him out of my apartment. I didn't want him to leave me alone that night, because I was scared of what I might do to myself. I've thought a lot about that night since, and while I would certainly not call my ex a rapist, I recognize that he did something very cruel in coercing me into sex, particularly when he was very aware of the psychological power he had over me in that fragile moment.

I'll get to the point. Ever since the incident with the ex, I've become completely unable to say no to sex when I don't want it. It's difficult to explain why - it's like I'm deeply exhausted to the core of my being, and I just don't have the fight in me to engage in that inevitable battle that follows whenever you tell a guy "no". I just kind of float away and let it happen. I take the path of least resistance, because all my strength has been used up and it just seems hopeless anyway. 

My question for the community is: how do you deal with turning a guy down when he's persistent? I don't want to experience rape ever again, and I think I'm afraid that's what will happen if I am not tactful enough in my rejection. This applies to both boyfriends and hookups in bars that expect sex because they bought you a drink. How do you say no to se, especially to an unpredictable stranger, without putting yourself in danger of being hurt by them?