I'm 3 weeks PP, and while my SO has been a great dad an support system throughout most of my pregnancy and all through the hospital stay.. I just feel like things are already changing. I know he has to work and all, but I feel like when he gets home or before he goes in that he should spend some time with our daughter, that he should want to spend time with us together and go on walks and help with diapers and feeding her (I pump and breastfeed). But things have changed, he's always in a bad mood and I don't feel like I should have to ask him to do things with our daughter or to help, he should just do it like he was in the beginning. He maybe changes one diaper a day. And when she's sleeping and we have some alone time.. He's on his phone or smokes weed and gets too tired to do anything. I've been feeling so down on myself since I was so swollen and miserable while pregnant, and now my whole recovery from this c section has me feeling even less attractive, not to mention getting no sleep and taking care of our baby all day.. Leaving me no time to make myself feel a little better by showering and putting on make up. Literally, he will come home and want to "take a shower" for 45 min and I know he's just watching porn... And it pisses me off to no end. Like I want some time to myself too... I want help with our baby.. I know I can't have sex right now but I still want to feel that intimate connection and I want attention from my partner. The fact that he pretty much does this every day is such a turn off to me.. And it really triggers my depression and makes me feel like a totally worthless partner. Yeah, some of you may think it's dumb.. But I DO get jealous that he is watching porn and all of these other women.. Meanwhile I'm still healing and have a saggy stomach.. Sore nipples and feeling like I'm just ugly and never going to be attractive again. I love my baby so much, and I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything.. But I feel my connection with my SO (who I've been with for 10+ years) is slipping. Suddenly everything really matters to me and I can't just hold my feelings in and let things slide anymore. I feel so much resentment towards him and his lack of affection that I don't know if I can honestly continue this relationship, even if I do love him. When I tell him how he hurts me.. He just turns it around on me and says things like "I just want to die" and literally tries to make me feel pain.. I've been awake since 2am and it's almost 6am now.. I should've been sleeping because my daughter is... But I can't. I'm hurt. Lost. Feeling disconnected and truly unhappy. I don't always feel this way, but when confronted with some parts of this reality of mine... I can't help the feelings.