how did you leave a bad relationship/marriage? and how did you find the strength to not go back?Updated

I love him so much but he doesn't care about his future, or our future together. He's very controlling, insensitive, in considerate, mean, spiteful and lazy... He wasn't always this way. I married him because I loved how he was with me. But he completely changed. We both did but I'm not any of those things. I don't treat him bad in any way. If I am ever mean it's because I get fed up with him not appreciating what I do for him. He can be very disrespectful and sometimes I decided to defend myself and things escalate. He wants me to be a wife/mom and do literally everything for him when I have a very busy schedule. I don't even eat some days because I'm too tired to even serve my self after getting home, cleaning, cooking, washing, and serving him. I think "I better go shower now or I'll be late to work tomorrow" I don't care if I don't eat. He says I'm fat anyways. Yes I gained some pounds since I met him but I went through a very difficult time and was not taking care of myself like I should have. I miscarried, was in a depression because of that, my mother passed away, and then he changed  into a complete party animal. We almost divorced once. I'm trying to take care of myself now. I love myself or atleast I'm trying to learn how to. And he puts me down everytime. I know what I should do.. Leave! But it's so hard when you have so much hope and love for a person.