Pregnant and a stepmom? Does your partner do this?

Question

Every time I talk about birth or the scans or anything my partner compares it to my stepson.

I get its his previous experience and it's a big part of his life but I'm getting frustrated.

Whenever I talk about MY pregnancy then he doesn't seem that bothered but as soon as birth or even at scans he starts crying. Not because of being emotional about our baby but because he starts thinking back to my stepson.

Being a stepmom is hard enough without this bullshit comparing and insensitivity towards OUR baby.

Ugh. Don't feel like I can talk to anybody. My biological Mother I've cut out of my life because she's abusive. My stepmother never had a baby of her own and my best friend lost her baby at 8 months so finds it difficult to talk about. The fact I can't even talk to my partner about it is so frustrating. :(

Answer

They're both his kids so it's natural for him to compare them

Answer

Why can't you talk to your partner about it? How about next time you say something along the lines of "I know this isn't new for you but this is our child and we should be experiencing this together because it's my first biological child and every child is different. I understand thinking about your son makes you emotional but this is a different experience"

Answer

What happens when you tell him it hurts you that he's stealing your joyful moments?

Answer

I'm not even pregnant yet, and my husband says, "you're gonna be like this and this," and I finally, after getting annoyed enough, told him to shut the hell up about it. Just because your crazy ex wife was this way doesn't mean I will be, and it certainly doesn't mean that our births will be the same. I'm like you. I get that that was his experience, and this will be my first child, but I've read enough to know what I'm likely to experience. I don't want to know what he experienced with the way she acted while pregnant.

Answer

I'm also a pregnant stepmom. My hubby hasn't vocalized any comparison between me and his baby mama as far as pregnancy goes but we did get into an argument about him not caring enough. I felt like he didn't really care that i was pregnant because to him it was "old news". For me, this is all new and exciting and when I'd talk to him about ultrasounds or whatever he would forget about the appointment and ask me ten times when it was. So I got pissed and said it felt like he didn't care or think that my pregnancy was important. After i told him that, he said he did care and became more vocal about the baby and my pregnancy.

Answer

Pregnant step mom here and for me 2nd baby with my husband. With my first, I laid down the law as soon as my in laws started the comparison. Our daughter was the first child we had together and wanted to enjoy every moment of it and make it special. I told my husband that I didn't want any comparisons because I wasn't his ex wife and I wasnt just a baby momma. Im his way and I demand to be treated with respect. And that got taken care of .. Now my struggle is that they compare my daughter to his oldest in everything and Im about to have another talk here real soon because my daughter is not going to be living under anyone's shadow

Answer

You are having a child with someone who already has a child. That means this experience is not entirely new to him. That's part of the packaged deal when you get into this type of relationship. You need to accept that because it's not changing. His only frame of reference is the other pregnancy and his other child. That's natural and normal. His fears will be influenced by his experience as well as his excitement. Unfortunately if you wanted someone who was experiencing this for the first time, you chose the wrong partner. The good news is that he's likely an experienced birth coach, understanding about cravings, and experienced in back rubs and foot massages. You are going to have to take the good with the bad

Answer

Have you tried talking to your SO ?? I think she gets this isn't his first child, but considering how hormonal she is during pregnancy he should be a little more sensitive to her needs and not always compare this pregnancy to his last. Every pregnancy is different and I think she just wants this to be their special time together. Why don't you guys find firsts that you can do together or for this pregnancy? Maybe 3D ultrasound or register for gifts to together? You should definitely talk to him and tell him how your feeling.. Good Luck!!

Answer

I'm confused, you don't want him talking about his son and his new baby. There both his kids

Answer

Dads have a hard time connecting with a pregnancy and normally fall in love once they see their baby. So he's probably excited about the new baby and your pregnancy but doesn't know how to connect and since is only experience is from his son then that's what he goes to. Try not to be so hard on him

Pregnant and a stepmom? Does your partner do this?

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