body after pregnancy

My boyfriend and I had a baby in August, and he was born with a condition and passed away. I'm coping with that and post partum depression. My boyfriend is amazing. And tonight he wanted to take a relaxing bath with me while we watched our favorite show. And I couldn't relax because I couldn't look at my body and be comfortable. I hate my body and can't see how he is attracted to me right now. I feel disgusting and that I'll never be beautiful again. And I couldn't sit in the bath so I got out and went into the bedroom and cried. And I feel awful because he said "I'm sorry I ruined the bath for you" since I normally take them alone. But I was so happy he wanted to join me and I hate myself for ruining it for my own insecurities. I don't know what to do. I just want to curl up into a ball and not feel anything.