Ok, well I don't know where to begin. I guess I just need to let it out. I've had my rainbow baby in February and I am so grateful she is healthy. So grateful. I also have 2 boys who are also healthy and I'm very grateful for that. I have a partner who loves me but that's not to say we havnt had a good fair share of drama and problems. Anyways after having my baby I feel like I don't know who I am anymore, like I have completely lost myself. I lost a lot of myself being in the relationship I am with my partner but so much since having my girl. I almost get afraid of leaving the house. I have no real friends I can just hang out with. I have no motivation in life at all. I am home all day everyday with my baby. My whole life is looking forward to my partner coming home and when he does I always realise that the idea of him back from work seemed brighter in my head because I am so bored. I used to go gym before having the baby and now I can not get any motivation to do anything. I don't enjoy anything, I am not happy most of the time, I'm very lost and so lonely. I know my mental state is not well but I am so anxious and afraid of leaving my home that I can't even get out to get help. The simplest tasks freak me out. I hate grocery shopping, I hate shopping, I hate going somewhere where I have to leave the car. I just don't know anymore. I find my partner to be very selfish, he is so used to leaving the baby with me and just picking himself up and leaving like it's expected to be my job. I don't know I don't want any insensitive remarks I just needed to get it off my chest... I'm just in a very low and sad state at the moment. And for some reason my daughter breaks my heart. I've noticed that she may be becoming antisocial due to not seeing anyone else but us everyday. She is so clingy to me, doesn't even want her father... I don't know anymore.