what do I do?! racist comments from my BF.

Question

I'm not trying to start a race thing here... but I was just taken back by a remark my boyfriend made today. Just to get things started, I'll mention we are both white (sorry, but as non-racist as I am, i am definitely NOT politically correct and will be using the terms "white" and "black" instead of "Caucasian" and "African American". Just easier)
Anywho - we were only dating for 5 months (but we have been friends since we were 13... for 15 years now) when I got pregnant and now I'm 7 months along and we are expecting a little girl. We were talking about random things tonight and I said something along the lines of "my grandma would of disowned me if I brought a black guy home" (let's face it, our older generation was raised in a racist world... we can't change their attitudes towards it. We can only have our own attitudes towards other races.) and at this point, my boyfriend said "oh! if she (as in our daughter) brings home a black guy, I will flip a switch!" I was a little taken back by this. I didn't know he was racist!! So I said "what if he's a nice respectful boy that treats her right?" And he scoffed and said "hah! n*ggers like that don't exist" 😳😳😳 I don't... what do I... WHAT?!?! I mean, it's too late... I'm having a child with this man! And up to this point, he has been perfect in my eyes. Race has never came up for us to discuss and now I'm viewing him in a whole new light! What do I do? I WILL NOT raise my daughter with hate in her heart! I refuse to let him instil that attitude in her. 
How do I handle this?!?! She's not here yet but any parenting advice?

Answer

I'm sorry that you're facing this issue. I think race issues are best dealt with thorough calm conversations. Maybe your tolerance will grow on him by the time baby is old enough to understand difference in skin color. I commend you for being so concerned, we need more people like you

Answer

I'm mixed black and my SO is white. I remember he made a comment towards another race and I was really taken back.

I told him right then and there I did not want to hear such judgemental words come out of his mouth ever again and that our child will be raised to love and respect people from every walks of life.

I got mad as I said it too. My words came out very powerful because of the emotion. I needed him to understand it was unacceptable. I don't think they fully understand how hurtful a comment like that is so you've gotta set them straight lol.

Answer

This makes me incredibly sad. I'm a white woman who brought home a black man 3 years ago. My whole family adores him ( especially my mother ) and he is the most respectful, hard working man I have dated ( I've dated white, Spanish and Asian ). I am now carrying his child. This little prince will be our first and just knowing that there are people in this world that are going to look at him and judge him by his skin tone tears my heart into pieces. I suggest you have a very serious talk with him. We should not be raising the future generation to think like this, racism should be dead and it isn't because the cycle just keeps continuing and it's pretty pathetic.

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both of my parents were raised in predominantly white towns and have that old school way of thinking, even though my dad is 100% Mexican and was bullied for being 'brown' he still has those views. but I grew up in many schools (military kid) and lots of diversity so race has never affected the way I see people and I'm very open minded despite my parents. when I started dating mixed guys, as in mixed with black, my parents never stopped me but my mom always made it clear that they didn't like it. now I'm pregnant with a mixed baby and they wanted to be the one to name him! they've bought him clothes and have told me they will support me and the race thing hasn't come up. so in my experience, love will always prevail. your boyfriend will love your daughter no matter what, no matter who she falls in love with. even if it doesn't seem like it. good luck!

Answer

My husband served in the military and spent some time in the desert. As such, he developed some negative views of Islam and individuals of middle eastern descent. He was also raised in the Catholic Church, and makes negative comments about the recent trend of commercials featuring gay, lesbian, and trans individuals.

He's actually grown more tolerant in the years we've been together, but he still has a long way to go. All I can really do is call him out on it. And I do--every time. I let him know that I disagree, that it isn't okay.

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You should just let him know how you feel about it and tell him how wrong he is. It's 2016 anyone who's racist has hate in there heart.

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Whatever you do, DO NOT let him teach your child to think that way. Tell him that he can have his own thoughts, but he should not impose it on your child. That is so sad to me. :(

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That's really hard to deal with. He's probably been raised with the same ideals that your grandmother was. It's very hard to change someone's mind. I'd discuss with him your views and expectations on how you'll raise your child. I'd also put time into educating your daughter on having an open mind.

It's instances like this that scare me. I'm Indian and Mexican. My husband is black. We will be having a very mixed child who may identify with one race, multiple races or none because of how he's mixed. It's scarry that regardless of how he wants to be seen he will be judged based on the race people see. My husband and I have talked about educating our son on other beliefs and that people's expectations will not always be what you are.

what do I do?! racist comments from my BF.

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