husband not really into sex, tips, advice?

Question

Let me start off by saying my husband is really amazing. Funny, smart, handsome, patient, kind the list goes on. We have been married for four years and together for eight and he's never really been that into sex. I have decided to stay because of all the other things he is (see above list) but I'm reaching a point in where I'm not sure any more. We haven't even kissed in a month!

I've tried everything, outfits, inviting others into the bedroom, toys, any sort of kink you can imagine. I've tried vanilla, romantic style sex. If there is a flavor I have tried it. While I try he is really into it he just never tries or initiates once I stop.

Is he lazy? He isn't gay or bi- I've tried that (all manner of kink) he enjoys sex while we are having it we just barely ever have it.

I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone about it and I feel so damn lonely.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Answer

Same position here. Although my bf was super into sex for the first 6 months (honeymoon phase I guess!) and I have never been more comfortable expressing my sexuality and desires with anyone. Then it just seemed to stop, normally his excuse is "I'm just not in the mood" but there have been a couple of occasions that he has muttered that he finds something about it gross. I have tried seducing him, talking to him about it (makes him sad), not talking to him about it, initiating it and also waiting for him to initiate! He won't admit it but I think he is depressed which can affect libido. There is also the other option that he is low in testosterone. Perhaps see if he will go with you to the doctors? Mine won't but it's worth a try

Answer

My boyfriend is like this. I also get mixed signals from him about it too. But that's another subject. I'm afraid to initiate anything for fear of being rejected but he won't initiate either. We have talked about it on numerous occasions but all he keeps saying is that he doesn't want a relationship based on sex and that he's not that into it anymore. He is 40 now and I can understand at this age in men libido starts dropping. But I'm going off topic again...... wish I had more to tell you. Just know you're not the only one dealing with it.

Answer

Like the other women have said, I would talk to him. My boyfriend is the same way and it drives me nuts sometimes. I love him, I love him so much. And my sex drive is way higher. I always have to initiate. I can literally count (twice, two damn times) where he actually initiated--  once I had just eaten and was full but still did it because it was so rare! I couldn't say no without risking him never ever asking. I always have to ask.  I tell him all the time that I want him to initiate. And he will listen, he just needs to be reminded at times. Someone times you have to accept that you're the one that has to initiate. It can drive me crazy, but I also know that I love him and I'd rather be the one initiating than having a fight and not having sex at all or breaking up. I hope it works out for you. Just know you're not alone! Women feel this all the time, we're just taught men are the ones that should be sex crazy and it's not always the case. I would suggest talking and just being open and frank and saying that it hurts your feelings and you'd really appreciate if he initiated and that it would help you feel happier as his partner. Best of luck xxx

Answer

Have you tried talking to him? Let him know that you've been feeling really undesirable lately and you think that the solution would be for him to initiate sex more often.

Answer

How is his health?  Have you had testosterone levels checked?  Also, how healthy and close is your relationship otherwise?

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Does he like a certain type of porn? (I'm only assuming you are okay with him watching porn) if he liked a certain type maybe you could try that area.

Answer

Have you talked to him about it?

Answer

I'm going through the same thing. It's like I try and try and he never wants to have sex. We can never have sex unless HE starts it.. which is literally never anymore. I guess the best thing you can do is communicate with him about it, though it make seem awkward or uncomfortable to talk about it, it's the best thing for your relationship.

husband not really into sex, tips, advice?

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