Eating Disorders

So I have never suffered from an eating disorder but did live with my cousin who has anorexia nervosa for 2 years. It was very hard dealing with the situation I mean like REALLY HARD. A lot of people don't know the reality of a person with an eating disorder. So since I moved out I have wanted to loose weight not so much but some in a healthy way. So my problem is wanting to start, every time I start i feel guilty. Does anyone else feel this way or is in the same situation? I think it's beacuse of everything me and my family went through..and still are going through, and of course my cousin.