I live in guilt because I think it was my fault

Liv
I had this friend who killed herself earlier this year. On the day she died I was having a fever of 105 degrees, I had a dream that I died, I went to another world, I was begging someone to let me go back because I wanna tell all the people I care about I won't be around anymore. And they told me that I had to kneel down in front of the Buddha for three days and three nights and go back to take someone else's life in exchange for me to go back for one day. I woke up, still had a fever so I went back to sleep. My fever went away two days later, I woke up and the first thing I wanted to do is to search her name. I had no idea why I wanted to do that. And when I did, what came up on my phone was her obituary. She ended her life the same day I had that dream.
I can't get over this dream. We had the same name. I feel like I took her life. 
Last Sunday my friends kidnapped me to the ER after a failed attempt of suicide. Part of me wants to see her, part of me wish my death could bring her back... she had so many loved ones she left behind, and I think I'm worthless. I think I should've been the one who's gone