Alexyz • I love to make people happy, even if it means taking my own happiness

I just have to get this off my chest, because no one listens to me. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel this way ... I'm 16. Ever since my older sister died when I was 7 (she was 11) i've felt worthless. I got super depressed and have had suicidal thoughts and dreams. I've never cut myself but I've been thinking about it a lot. It scares me and I end up crying myself to sleep every time I get those thoughts. The reason it scares me because I saw my older sister slit her wrist and write on the wall "am I good enough now?" And idk. It haunts me. My step dad used to abuse me as a child. I've had a horrible childhood and no one ever wants to talk about how I feel. I am nice to a lot of people and always put my feelings aside. I'm scared to death to graduate high school. I feel so worthless all the time. When people find out about my depression they leave and my parents ignore it. They always push me to the side unless they want something. I want to leave so badly. You have no idea. I don't feel safe, wanted or even cared about. When I try and talk to someone about how I feel on a daily basis they tell me I'm over reacting and just a teenager who wants attention. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm about to lose it.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. ❤