Who am I ?

I guess ive just been really depressed and confused lately and just need to rant and maybe someone to talk to because i dont really have any friends... When i was in 6th grade my sister passed away in an accident and naturaly i needed a shoulder to lean on and that happend to my boyfriends at the time. My sisters death came by complete suprise and left me completely shattered she was my best friend she was my role model and losing her at such a prime age left me permanently damaged beyond repair. I dated my boyfriend at the time until 8th grade or so and then moved onto another boyfriend who mentaly abused me our entire relationship. When i finally left him i began dated my current boyfriend my freshman year of high school. I am still with him 5 years later, we live together and he is the love of my life. I cant evsn begin to picture myself being with someone else. I know he will be my husband and the father of my kids one day and i dont wish it to be any other way. But i guess the problem im having is ive never really been single. Ive constantly been in a relationship or chasing after a guy. I dont really know who i am like really. Ive always relied on someone else and i guess i just dont know how i would be in the real world without a boyfriend around. I want to marry the man i am with and we will someday but what do i do ? I need to find myself before i can no longer try. I dont even know how to talk to my boufriend about it because he will just think im trynna be single and go be with other guys but thats the last thing i want. I just dont know who i am. Its been 8 years since ive been like actually single and i never got the chance to be the real me. I need help 😥