miscarried almost 6 years ago

I have been keeping a huge secret for almost 6 years. I knew I was pregnant and then almost as quick as I knew I lost my baby. I was about 4-6 weeks along and I had to deal with the father not wanting to be apart of the life of the angel baby we had created. I know it's been almost 6yrs since losing my first and only baby and it still hurts. I get depressed when I see all my friends posting pregnancy announcements and talking about their babies. I have kept this secret for so long that it's just second nature to keep it a secret. How can I cope knowing I have a child without actually having the child with me in my arms?