I guess I'll welcome myself to this chat board... I got sent home from the hospital with a pamphlet on ppd and I have yet you read it till now. I don't know what to do about it all. Mainly with my SO... I take everything out on him.. I feel horrible. We don't have sex. I have zero sex drive. I feel to ugly and nasty. I don't even want him to see me naked. He's not really all that supportive... He kinda is but in his own way and it's not effective at all... I feel beat down most times... Even though I know that's not how he meant at all. My baby girl is perfect! She's happy healthy and almost two months old already. I just wish I didn't feel like I always do. Unhappy. Always crying. Starting arguments with him. Being rude towards him. Like tonight I fell asleep and idk how long I asleep for but he came in and woke me up by eating me out and then he went for the back door (yes we do anal) and it felt awesome! But he got off and stepped away and was like well that's all I needed!! I just needed to get off! And he made me feel used and I took it way out of proportion... The way I was acting and being were un called for.. I was just strait up nit pickin... And so he finally started to fall asleep and I nit picked about cuddling with me and I could tell he was frustrated bc he was trying to sleep and he rolled over and cuddled up to me and was like this is why I don't your hair is all in my face! So I laid there for a second realized that I was being ridiculous and started tear up and so I got out of the bed and went to the other room. Idk what happened.... To us. Everything turns into an argument I get upset and cry every time. He doesn't seem to understand that I have no sex drive and that we can't just hop on the good foot and do the bad thing like we used to... For me now it takes a little bit more stimulation and touching and kissing now... But he doesn't do it. But then again I don't either but all he needs is his dick in my mouth! Lol... But really... I'm just so upset and sad about how things are going between us... Sometimes he doesn't even want to be around me bc of how I act. I get snippy and I get an attitude... I'm scared to talk to him bc I need him to be gentle and understanding and caring but he can be a little on the harsh side with his advice... And it sometimes makes me feel worse.. But it always just turns into a fight... I want us back... 😔😔😢😢 I just don't want to push him too far and not be able to get him back... I want my baby girl to have her parents happy and together! And stable... Unlike my parents... I want her to see a successful one as she grows... I smoked before I found out that I was pregnant and I quit immediately. But with all this stress and sadness I've been smoking a little... I haven't bought a pack. But I've just been bumming off people at work.. I'm scared to tell him... I'm scared of what he'll think... I just don't know what to do about everything between us...we used be able to have good conversations but now I don't know what to talk to about at all... I'm so blank and boring... I'm lost and broken...