Hey ladies! This may be a bit of a read but I hope atleast one person gets a little bit of hope from this.

I am 23 years old (just turned 23 on the 29th of october)

When I was 18 (march 2012) I had my first miscarriage. I didn't mean to get pregnant but it happened and afterwards everything was so surreal.. After never wanting children, my whole world had revolved around getting pregnant. It never happened.

Then my boyfriend at the time slept with his ex in 2013 and got her pregnant and I hit rough times and we split for a year but silly me got back together with him in 2015 and accidentally got pregnant again and had my 2nd miscarriage in april 2015. I ended things with him because I was unhappy with myself and my life and he wasnt spending time with the son he had and I ended up severly depressed.

In june 2015 I started dating Daniel who I have been friends with for 10 years. We had fun and our relationship was amazing so we moved in together last November. Then in January past we found out I was pregnant and I lost my baby at 6weeks gestation (all were lost at 6 weeks) and ended up having a D&C on the 22nd and my babys remains were sent off to the labs for testing with an inconclusive result. It was heartbreaking for both of us but more so me as I couldn't figure out why I was losing these babies. I then felt, once again, consumed by the need to have a baby and for 4 months we tried so hard. We both took preconcieve vitamins, ate healthier, cut out bad habits, I tracked basal body temperature, checked my cervix position religiously, used opks every month, used pre seed lubricant and used glow as if it were the bible.

Nothing.

Then in may we decided to give up and focus on work and enjoy our sex life and be relaxed and more importantly, start enjoying our relationship and eachother again. We went out for dinner, we went to movies, we drank when we wanted and we spent nights eating takeout on the sofa after work. We were just so relaxed and our ttc journey felt so far behind us.. We didn't even think about it.

Then one morning in July, I awoke feeling very odd.. Never had i felt so weird before and realised my period was late. So at 7.30am before work. I found an old test in my cupboard beside my old opks and used it and aet it on the floor.. Had a shower and got ready for work.. As i was cleaning my teeth.. I looked down and the test (i had forgotten about) had 2 lines!!

I went to the doc and asap (4 w 1d) and they put me on aspirin and I am now 19 weeks and 3 days pregnant with my little girl Isabella Grace Andrea Wormell.

The point of this long ass story is dont give up!! I remember crying every bfn.. Every time I saw af.. Everytime i had missed ovulation.. I was consumed by ttc and i couldnt think about anything else until I finally gave up and let it go.. And thats when it happened for us.

So ladies.. On the hardest of days remember.. Its ok to cry and be disheartened and not fill out your glow cycle info .. Its okay to be angry with bfns and question your fertiliy.. Its normal to feel sad and lonely and scared.. It's normal to resent your partner and/or yourself. Every part of your ttc journey and its really fucking hard!! (excuse my french) but most importantly.. Its ok to give up. Sometimes you need to give up for it to happen.. So girlies.. When it becomes too much.. Drink your wine! Eat your takeout.. Ignore your <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a>.. Enjoy your partner and enjoy the sex and forget all about ttc. Sometimes it just takes you to relax.

I still scroll through the faint lines and no bfp section looking at all the vfls and bfns and bfps and try to give women hope and support because I was that girl posting my bfns in hope that someone else could see the line that wasnt there.. It can take years and years and for me it was.. So dont wish your life away .. Enjoy everything and relax and when its meant to be.. It will be ❤❤

For those of you who made it to the end of this post. Have faith! Your time will come xox