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black/red blood on first day of period

So I have been having black and red blood the first day or so of my period for the last year or so I would say, and of course since we have been TTC for a year, miscarrying in April, I google everything because I truly believe something serious is wrong with me, and of course I google and it says it could be cancer, it could be endometriosis, etc. I CANT HANDLE THIS BIG BALL OF A MESS I AM ANYMORE.

I can hardly stand to hear of anyone's pregnancies, or anything. I feel like when we go to the doctor next month they're going to do some lab work and it's going to come back all messsd up and they'll end up telling us that we can't have kids and I'll be absolutely devastated. All I do anymore is cry. I can't handle it.

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