Let my soul mate down again this month

So af came this morning. We were so sure we were pregnant this time. bbt stayed elevated.

Boobs sore. Etc but no. I got my visit and o have to tell him when he comes home.

I feel like my body betrays him month after month.

Having 4 kids to my husband who passed 7 yrs ago is like a huge beacon that shines to say...."she could do it for him why not you?"

He says it's ok but it's not. Am I too past it now. Have I used all my miracles?

I want so much to give him the baby he so desperately deserves and longs for.

Uggh my heart hurts so bad right know