I took a long beach walk, tried to jog a bit (lol), then went out and had oysters for dinner (no reason, just thought they'd taste good). Afterwards we stopped at my mums place and I had a hot bath. As we were leaving at 9pm my first contraction hit. It was strong enough to stop me wanting to talk, but not so strong that anyone else noticed. 

My partner was hungry again so at the McDonald's drive through the second contraction hit (9:05pm). The third hit as we parked at home (9:10pm). They continued every 5 minutes for the next 2 hours and were bad enough that I was on all fours watching tv (but not taking anything in  , just trying to breathe through it). At 11pm I told my partner that the baby was likely coming tonight.

Now at this stage it is worth mentioning that as a FTM we had been continually warned that labour would be long and it was better to labour at home for as long as possible. I was hoping for a med free birth do I really wanted to stay at home where I was most comfy. So we figured that we would be heading to hospital early morning and it was best of my partner went to bed so he would be rested when I needed him in the morning. 

By midnight I was 3-4 minutes apart with contractions that were lasting over a minute and heat packs were like some sick joke AS IF THEY WOULD TAKE AWAY THIS PAIN!!!! With each contraction I couldn't move or breathe and I'd started moaning to cope through it. 

I tried to get my huge arse in the shower to try and ease things but I couldn't stand upright so I was kind of on all fours with my butt under the water and my upper body out the door. This wasn't working either so I crawled out between contractions (now 2-3 minutes apart) and got back to the lounge room. Which is where my partner found me at 1:30pm, naked, on all fours, howling with every contraction.

Now remember, we are both thinking that labour will go four many more hours (this has only been 4 hours from first contraction). I'm panicking now, feeling like my body's being turned inside out every two minutes, but also terrified because I think it's going to a) go on for HOURS longer and b) get MUCH worse. 

I tell him i need to go to hospital for pain relief so he calls l&d and tells them it's only early labour and they'll probably send me home. I tell him to shut the fuck up and hurry up and get me dressed. The dr asks how often contractions are and he reads them the app I've been recording on and they say you should come in. I gasp something along the lines of "get me hospital you fucking retard help dying need pants on". 

So by 1:45pm we've contracted out way down two flights of stairs and into the car. Ten minutes and we"re there. But in the wrong entrance. It's locked. I refused to get back in the car so we contractions our way to the other entrance, up the lift, into l&d. With our 3 hospital bags containing snacks, music, changes of clothes, more snacks, some drinks, and a motherfucking book (ya know, in case I got fucking BORED!). 

So the nurse checked me and said she couldn't feel a cervix and could only feel a bulging sack. So me, I figured this meant she was just a regular, not labour nurse and didn't know her way around vaginas and just couldn't find it. Hindsight tells me I was probably full dilated, but at this stage I'm still wondering if I'm even 5 cm. I'm gasping for gas so they get me in a room and I quickly shed all my clothes (so much dignity). 

I'm sucking on the gas like there's no tomorrow, butt sticking out, elbows resting on the bed. The urge to push is wracking my body every contraction. The nurse tells me my midwife will take 40 minutes to arrive. She looks at me and asks me if I'm pushing? Don't push stop pushing!

Is heard that pushing before your cervix has dilated will swell the cervix so I'm using everything I have to not push. Thinking I'm not dilated enough, there's hours to go, I'm going to die, i need an epidural omg I'm actually going to die. There's no time between contractions to ask for one, I'm hyperventilation, I'm bruising my partners neck, I'm trying not to push (hindsight again- she didn't want me to push because she just wanted me to wait for the midwife). 

My waters break all over everyone's feet. I apologise. My midwife arrives. I tell her I need to shit. I start waddling to the bathroom. I stop mid contraction and shit on the floor. My partner wiped it up. I laugh then scream. Midwife tells me I can sit on the toilet. Tells me it's a good position for labouring and it's ok to push if I need to.

Thank god I push! It feels so much better! After 1 contraction the midwife looks at me perched on the toilet and says I have to get up now. I refuse. Another pushing contraction she tells me to get up. I refuse lol don't tell me what to do! She gets my partner to manouver me upright off the toilet. 

And 30 seconds later my 3kg daughter was born while I was standing next to the toilet, supported by my partner, caught by the midwife, and handed straight into my arms. 

And it was like suddenly the carnival had ended, the music stopped, I was standing in a hospital bathroom, bent over (the cord was attached) holding my baby. 

I think I went into shock at this stage. I waddled and got on the bed. We had skin to skin, she sucked boob. I had no tears but a labial shear that I chose to get a couple stitches in. We were now at 3:30am. 6 and 1/2 hours from very first contraction. My partner was in shock because he'd only been awake for two hours of labour. I still didn't understand completely that it was over and she was here. 

The experience was incredibly overwhelming, mostly because I didn't know what to expect and even though my body was telling me to hurry up, I was listening to everyone else's experience and thought I was just being a pussy. The reality was, I was in full labour at home and if we'd waited longer it would have been a home birth. As it was we were checked in at hospital for an hour before she came out. And that hour I was being told to not push, so I suspect labour would have been a full hour quicker. 

After skin to skin I had the best shower ever and washed the blood from my skin, hair, fingernails (birth is messy). I felt brilliant, I no longer had a tiny human in my guts. The midwife made me tea and toast which my partner ate. Baby was A ok so at 8:30 am we were discharged. 

We stopped on the way home to show the grandparents (my stepdad has ms and can't visit us so I wanted him to meet her before my endorphins ran out and I didn't want to leave the house). 

And it's been a whirlwind 6 months till now. I am blessed with a beautiful, peaceful, smart and chubby little girl :)

My best tip to FTM s wanting an epidural-free birth- absolutely do not stay still. Keep moving, keep upright or on all fours. Gas doesn't help the pain but it will distract you and give you something to focus on so give it a go first. And listen to your body. Above all don't be ashamed of the epidural. I'm so glad I didn't have to have one because I got to go home 4 hours later and was back to normal straight away. But believe me, if my labour had been another 6 hours I would have done it. There is no shame in getting pain relief for something that is ripping your body apart for hours on hours

Good luck to all FTM s reading this :)