how would you feel ... or what should I do ?

Question

I know it's none of my business but ... I just don't know how I feel about the situation. 
My now current BF was once married before me ... and has been separated from his wife for four years. We date and we're happy and everything but what m bothers me most is that his ex wife had his last name srill. Now they have a child together but live in separate houses and he tel me that he doesn't want to be with her & that he wants to be with me... and he shows it everyday. I just don't like that she has his last name still

Answer

Some people just don't want to change their names multiple times. For a lot of people, it's important to have the same last name as their child. Honestly...I know it bothers you, but why? He was married to her and did have children...he had an entire life with her. And you're upset she has his last name? It's her name - nothing to do with you. Sounds like you need to talk to him.

Answer

As an ex wife, it's a hassle to change your name over on everything. I was married 13 years. I didn't bother until I remarried. From what I read they're still married? But separated for 4 years? Truly nothing to get mad about. What I would concern myself with is them still not being divorced.

Answer

I can understand her wanting to keep the last name of her child. My mom did that until she married my dad. It's a hassle to change your name and it makes it easier when you have school age children to keep your ex's name. I don't think it's out of wanting to stay with him

Answer

I think I'm NC you only have until the divorce is final to actually decide if you want to keep the name or go back to maiden name. She may have kept it for convenience so she wouldn't have to get a new license, social security card, bank account name change, etc. Or maybe she wanted to keep it for the child, it may be hard for her to have a different last name than her child. Maybe it could be her career, I am a realtor and if I divorced I would probably still keep the last name just because that's how my business cards are, people know me, and I wouldn't want a name change to announce to the world I'm divorced. She can always change it when she gets married again.

Answer

My mum divorced my dad after 11 years of marriage, and she kept his last name. She said it was too much hassle to change it, and everything else that goes with it. She can't stand my dad. Not sure why it bothers you? Is it because he hadn't married you yet? I'm not married to my partner of 10 years, so no judgment!

Answer

I think it shouldn't matter so much because she could have other reasons for not changing her last name such as changing her bank cards, drivers license, etc. When and if she remarries I'm sure she will change it then. She has history with your boyfriend and they share a child together. If their marriage has been over for so long, I really doubt she is keeping his last name coz she wants him back. Let it go.

Answer

This is something you need to talk to him about. I'm assuming they're still married as she still has his last name. Is he not planning to remarry?

how would you feel ... or what should I do ?

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