a little ramble

10diui always seems to get me and I am getting the itch to test. Ugh. This is our third. Yup, third as is number 3 IUI (not counting the at home attempts prior) and it's 10:50pm and I can't sleep. The most critical time to shut off this ever going brain and rest my body, dream of fertile eggs and beautiful babies and yet, here I am. Typing a post about 20 will "read" and maybe comment. Optimism isn't my strong suit right now. At least not in here. As November draws to a close and December approaches I pray (see I can be optimistic) that we can wrap up 2016 with some fabulous news and give that beautiful gift of life to ourselves and our families for Christmas. Two pink lines, wrapped up in silver paper with a pretty bow. I think we'll test Saturday, okay, okay probably Friday. Sunday is D day but I don't think I can wait this time. Last time we did. We waited and waited and waited and then disappointment. Period. Last vial. No savings. Ugh. So we saved and saved and picked a new donor and ordered sperm and now we are here. 10 days in, 5 more to go, praying and waiting and hoping. Because if this time doesn't take it's back to the specialist to go back over my seemingly perfect fertility results to re-evaluate our options. What does that even mean? We don't have "options". But I presume we have this hope and this desire to be parents and for that, well... we would give anything. So. Here I sit (well, lay technically but you'd never know the difference) and put it out into the universe. WE ARE READY. We are hopeful. We have love for one another and for this life we are trying to create. Miss universe, if you're listening, hear these words as I put them out there. We are ready for our baby now and we hope that he or she is ready to come to us. I've kept my feel warm this time, as hot as I may be in the night, they're warm. Please let our little love bug come home to us. We promise to take great care or him or her or her and her or him and him or him and her. Sincerely, two loving parents waiting for their baby(s) to come home. ❤️ Ps. I haven't even kicked a sock off in the middle of the night, that's gotta count for something...right!?