Me....????!!!!

Am i cute? Am i likeable? Can i ever be liked for who i am? Would...could... i ever have a significant other? Im Christian and im suppose to do everything by the book and marrie a Christian man and raise a Christian family in a Christian home. But what if i have thoughts? Thoughts about women. Feelings for women. Appreciation for women. What do i do? What am i supposed to do? I feel disgusted with myself with everything i have done in my life. How do i live? How am i supposed to live? I've considered suicide but i see my family and i can leave them not like this not now. Maybe I'll get lucky and be hit by a bus or something. Whatever. Its not like i have a purpose and i never will!