Is it sexual assault or not?

Question

I have a serious topic that I want to discuss. It may or may not be very controversial. But it's something I am trying to understand and figure out. A lot of woman are dressing up naked and holding signs saying, "Still not asking for it." I get that. No matter how you dress you should not be sexually assaulted or raped. 
Now they say men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Our minds are different and we act different. If a guy says, "I don't want to have sex." That he means what he says, that men have no hidden agenda. That's what I was told and since I don't have a male mind I'm just going to assume that's what it is. Now I have seen this before and know that a lot of girls have done this, not at all saying that all women do this but that there are many women that do. Where a girl will say she doesn't want sex than later get mad at her boyfriend saying, "Why didn't you try to have sex with me?" When the boyfriend responds with, "Because you said no.."  the girlfriend replied, "I wanted you to force yourself on me and have crazy passionate sex." A lot of women think men are mind readers.  Their not. But for some reason we have this weird mentality that they some how do. 
Now my question is a little personal towards my end, hi, me. Anyone who knows me very well knows I joke about sex. It's funny, it makes either people laugh or get awkward which is why I do it. I'm naturally an awkward person so if I push the awkwardness to someone else it takes it off of me. I'm not a crazed sexual person, I just think saying penis makes people laugh. And to some people it does. 
Now, if A guy tries to force himself on me because I joke about sex is that my fault or his? Is it my fault because I joke about sex and give off the wrong impression or is it his fault because he jumped in without me saying, "Have your way with me, my legs are wide open." Or is it simply a misunderstanding of two different genders and two different mentalities? I'm not trying to upset anyone with this topic and I don't want any mean comments I'm simply trying to understand a situation.

Answer

Guy here. ✌️️
I would start off by saying that this assumption that "Men" have no hidden agenda and are simplistic in their approach to needs, is wrong. There are many of us men, very capable of persuation, manipulation and devious behaviour all around. Justs like women, we can use charm, intimidation or act against what we believe just to prove a point or get what we want.

As for the "is my open jokeyness/talkative behaviour leading men on?" Question. 
Well yes and no. It really depends on the guy.
One thing people forget is that sometimes the people we talk to, really are less socially aware, stupid, ignorant or just lacking in a skill set of communication. 
When I was a young fat kid, if a girl even spoke to me I would like them straight away, regardless of how they actually felt toward me. 
Now extend this to any grown up with the same mindset and the result is a person who is a victim of your charm but also a potential predator acting on their own desires with little empathy for your desires. 
So whilst you may know how YOU  feel towards someone you are joking with, never assume that they are 100 percent on the same page. I would always end it by saying something that leaves a barrier. A line to not be crossed. 
The best defense is to always be alert and become very skilled in body language reading, as well as a good judge of character. That skill may actually be to do with differences in gender. For example As a guy, I can somewhat confidently spot a man who is a lying asshole who is just after you for sex. Yet my girlfriend struggles more with this because of "Well maybe he is okay, i could be wrong, maybe they have changed" attitude. 
A lovely gesture of giving people a chance, but when it comes to sex, this way of thinking sets no barriers and is vulnerable to manipulation.
Equally though, i struggle to identify the same but with women.

Hope this helps?

Answer

Unconsensual sex is rape. Period.

The over blown belief that men's brains are vastly different than a womans, however, isn't true. I know there's lots of memes, sexist moms/grandmas and buzzfeed articles all about how women "process more", "are smarter", "need more time", "feel more emotions" out there. All trying to convince everyone that men have the intelligence level of a 10 year old child in a shallow attempt to make women feel special and thus get more clicks (more money), attention, or stir the shit pot.

It's just nothing to spit at. *Generally speaking* their brains only use one side of the hemespheres at a time for certain tasks, the very same areas women use. It doesn't mean they're incapable of the same emotions or less likely to feel them, "think differently", fuction differently, or much less be too stupid or brash to understand consent.

Answer

My bf will get mad at me if I don't tell him to stop if it hurts but he won't go through with sex if I don't want it. He will ask bc he knows I was raped in the past. On your question yea he shouldn't rape you bc of a joke I think a guy might try to have sex bc of it thinking you're flirting with him. Guys are dumb but he should be smart enough to know it's a joke

Answer

Well if you say have your way with me my legs are wide open, then he may go ahead because he's confused. But once you say no, I'm joking. He has to stop. After that no, it's all on him what he does.

Answer

Clicked the wrong one!! It's his fault, not yours. Just bc you make sexual jokes, that doesn't give anyone permission to do things to you when you clearly don't want to

Answer

if you say no. that is it. there is nothing grey about it. if other girls are too immature not to play mind games around sex, they are too immature to have sex. there is no gender difference in this, only that women are taught to act like they dont want oe be labeled a whore.

Answer

I would say unless there is a consensual joining then yes it is rape I have often made jokes or been flirty with male friends but up until the actual end of sex either party is entitled to stop or say enough or just say no. no matter what you say it cannot be construed as consent unless you day please have sex with me now or more likely do me now ya sexy beast!!

Answer

It is not your fault. Joking or even discussing sex does not mean you want sex or consent to it. If you did not express enthusiastic consent then it is sexual assault.

Answer

His

Is it sexual assault or not?

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