dumped during holidays

My guy dumped me...again. This time before the holidays. I allowed him to make me believe for so long all of the problems in the relationship were my fault. When he broke up with me last time because of his insecurities. an old acquaintance I knew from getting tattooed ten years ago started hitting me up. Mostly I talked about my ex. But this guy sent some perverted texts that I didn't reciprocate but we did talk about other things non sexual and I used it for some one to talk to and get my mind of my ex. Well the ex came back and wanted to make it work. He later found these messages and said he forgave me for the trespasses I committed while not together but it ate him up and for months I thought we were okay. Then suddenly he flips and dumps me. Right before we had plans with his family from another country in a vacation rental I helped three get. I shopped and bought all the presents for his family. I bought him a nice gift. And he said he couldn't live with this anymore. I'm stupid for having forgiven him for his own trespasses while together. For never being sure and disappearing drinking and acting selfishly. For lying about a woman he met on a cruise ship while away on tour. For hiding texts from women all cause he was lost and insecure. He didn't cheat but might as well have. And now I made the mistake of getting attention, then when my ex comes back to make it up to me, leave in the middle of a tour and make it up to me by taking me to Seattle for my birthday, the other guy continued to text and yet I said nothing to that guy to stop but I told my boyfriend and was honest. And I decided to go full on with my boyfriend. However my boyfriend looked through my mac and found the old messages of that guy being Pervy. We still decided to work on it and I waited for him to come back from another tour. And he gets home. And he dumps me a week later. He called me a cumdumpster bitch whore and told me to die and blocked me. I think we were both wrong and I should have left this emotionally abusive and controlling relationship a long time ago. Now, I try to accept I'm not that bad maybe a little lost. But I'm a grown woman who can decide to move on to anybody if I choose to even if nothing sexual ever happened. Even if I didn't even see this guy in person I shouldn't be shamed.