I just feel like no one knows who the hell they are and I don't want that for people.. I want people to be free and open and authentic to their true nature. & I know that I LOVE learning about myself, because it helps me feel understood..by my self! The more I learn about who I really am and what I love and what my beliefs and values are the more self assured I am. When I live by all the toxic belief systems, values, likes, etc that aren't authentically me, that aren't even mine to carry...I feel lost/depressed/anxious/unworthy/emotional because I'm just trying to be what I think everyone wants me to be for the sake of THEIR wellbeing.. Not mine..

& it's just BS because that's not what people want..people don't even know what they want! People don't even know ANYTHING about themselves because we're all trying to be something we're not, we exert ourselves socially to feel like we're being productive with our lives & drink and do drugs because they're "FUN" (& o.k yeah they ARE fun but NOT when everyone is using them as a crutch/safety blanket or what have you) and so we're all just smashing and crashing into each other and hurting eachother/hurting ourselves..putting others down publicly, starting fights, secluding people, being obnoxious, partaking in drama/gossip, being stuck up, drinking "life's troubles" away, sorrounding ourselves with people we know are toxic, creating this delusion that this is just the shitty cards that have been given to us and telling ourselves this is just how it is. So, we accept it and tell ourselves we're happy and that it's what we wanted..but there's still more that we need to fill that void that just won't leave us alone. 

Alone..fuck being alone..if you're alone long enough that void starts to creep up on you..and you start to feel uneasy..naseaus..empty..lonely.. Because now you have no one to impress but yourself. Are  y o u  impressed? If you really were you wouldn't still be reading this. That "void" is the authentic you, your spirit, your inner kid and all they want is for you to ACKNOWLEDGE them, to give them your love, all so they could do the same for you.

If you're doing the shitty things you know are shitty but ignore it and tell yourself and everyone that everything is great and you're just a positive person that just likes to move forward, then you are going to keep living an inauthentic life. ANYONE can go look at themselves and tell themselves all the great things that they are and all they are going to accomplish with confidence, ANYONE can visualize themselves being oh so successful, ANYONE can "treat themselves" to feel worthy! Now I'm not bashing on anyone who does such, I wholeheartedly approve of those things and anything else that makes you feel good! ...But you know what..? 

THAT DOESN'T TAKE AWAY THE SHIT YOU CARRY INSIDE & THAT "VOID" IS STILL GOING TO BE THERE. No matter how good you feel you're doing or how successful you feel you are, that shit stays with you until you learn to deal with it, whether that's in this life or the third one after this one...or hell...or the afterlife..limbo..etc. etc. If you REALLY want to live authentically and embody the unique individual that you are, it takes being open & real with yourself. 

Spend one day getting to know who you are, not watching tv, no music, no electronics, if you're feeling uncomfortable or weird or lost, that's how you'll know you're on the right track. You need to look at everything head on. You NEED to be able to see the difference between who you are and who you think you are by the time you're done( you don't need to maintain it but you at least need to see the differences) What do you hate/dislike about people? What qualities do you point out and criticize (physical or mental)? Those are your insecurities. What have people done or said that have made you uncomfortable or feel bad or guilty or embarrassed? Was there truth in it? What did you do to them that you disregarded? Are you thinking about someone else's actions while reading this or solely your own? What phrases do you use to justify your wrongdoings? Can you look at yourself in the eyes, confess to yourself in the mirror ALL you've repressed? You should be able to if you trust yourself and love yourself enough. If you can't do that then why should someone else be given the hopeless responsibility of doing so, for you? If you're not authentic with yourself who says you're going to be authentic with them? So GO and be honest with yourself! 

Use a mirror, or tape up a picture of you in a good time in your life, or when you were a kid, whichever time you felt the most FREE. You are going to start off feeling awkward/uncomfortable/emotional. Tell yourself anything you need to release/admit! Or write it all down and read it aloud to yourself....whatever works for YOU. Tell your inner kid/YOU all the shit you don't want to admit to yourself, that you aren't proud of, instances where you know you were in the wrong, everything you've repressed, or that you've held on to for whatever reason you've made up and just keep asking why, why, why, why until you KNOW why and just let everything go because the person who is releasing all that shit was never you to begin with! It's who you made yourself become the SECOND that you believed that other people mattered more than you. It's painful as hell and there's a lot of tears and a lot of emotions but you just need to let it out, just let it pourrr out of you and once you've released it all out of your system you feel weightless and relieved and you start to laugh and happy cry at how ridiculous you've been for "living" the way that you have been. 

You didn't have to lose weight, get other insecure people to like you, make x amount of $ to feel better about you, you just needed to accept yourself and all that you are and ever were or ever been! & then move forward and keep learning about yourself and start visualizing the life of YOUR dreams/creating daily affirmations/praying or whatever it is that floats your boat! You've finally cleared out the negative shit to make room for all the amazing, beautiful aspects that make you..well...YOU! 

You goddamn MAGNIFICENT BE-ING,   

✨JUUUUSST BEEEE✨