The A word. Abortion.

And that leads to me not wanting children. I do not want to raise a child and I have always felt this way. I lack a certain connection with children that I've never been able to explain. I love all my coworkers and friends kids, don't get me wrong. That maternal feeling has just never surfaced in me.

Well, I'm pregnant. Probably only 4-5 weeks. And I'm getting an abortion next Friday. I am feeling such a full range of emotions that I have never experienced before. And I'm starting to feel kind of terrible about some things. I am extremely confident in my decision, but at the same time I feel so bad that I have to do this. I wish I wanted kids and I wish I could feel the way others do about pregnancy. I hate that I have to do this because there are so many women that want exactly what I am giving away. 

I'm scared and nervous. But I do not regret my choice. And I plan on never being so uncareful again because I feel so disappointed in myself to allow it to happen. 

I want to thank whoever read this, I don't have many friends in life I can openly speak on this with. So I appreciate anyone who took the time to read someone else's thoughts and feelings on an extremely touchy subject. 

And to the women who will get offended by this post because their views are opposite of mine, I truly am sorry. I respect your beliefs, mine are just different. 

EDIT: 3 comments and I'm already tearing up 😩 Thanks ladies, support can be overwhelming sometimes. And I forgot to mention my boyfriend is the most kind and supportive man I've ever met and I'm very lucky to have someone like him. He's going to make this all a lot easier.