I'm 31 weeks pregnant with my second boy. I have pcos and it took my husband and I three years to conceive with medicinal intervention. I wanted this baby so badly. But now I feel like something is wrong with me.

Growing up I was never really into drugs or alcohol or spending money. I was a smoker. But living in Indiana where 60% of Hoosiers are smokers had me fitting right in. I shamefully smoked through my first pregnancy and was determined to quit with this one. It took me way longer than I thought and wanted but I quit cold turkey at 18 weeks pregnant. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I quit caffeine 2 years ago because it aggravated my Pcos. I was never a coffee drinker anyway.

So now I have gestational diabetes and have to quit sugar, pasta, and bread. My only vice and outlet left. And I am angry and depressed about it. Everyone keeps telling me to hold strong. Keep to the diet. Its for the baby. But I cant see it that way right now. I feel so trapped. My husband works 12 hrs a day and I have a 4 year old who has been sick since october because he has way oversized tonsils. Ive had a scheduled ent appt for him since Oct.

I'm just tired and ready to give up. I know that I cant but I'm already lashing out at my husband and my support system because I feel so trapped. Like theres no room left to be me. I'm only wife, house maid, cook, mother, pregnant... Ugh. And all my hormones are making this feeling worse. My doctor hasnt helped either. Ive done everything shes asked and she still says I don't exercise enough or drink enough water.... that stillbirth is a real possibility and I have to push through. I dont feel like I can talk to my doctor about this and my husband plain doesnt understand. I dont think I can make it to the 40 weeks pregnant that they want. Ive never been so inexplicably depressed. I have absolutely zero real reason to be down but I cant help myself.

Is there something seriously wrong with me? Am I really as horrible as I feel? I could really use some encouragement or at least a good reality check.