should I message his ex?

Question

My bf and I have been together a year and a half. We constantly fight and break up/get back together and the fights are consistently about his ex.

They were together for a long time and had  a life together (house, finances etc.) so I kind of get them trying to be friends but my problem is she's always around.  Apparently she hides my things (toothbrush etc.) when she goes to his place so I have told him I am not comfortable with her being there anymore.

Last week he lied and went to her birthday party and she was at his place again...only this time her car was there past 12:30 am (my niece told me this) so I'm assuming it ended up being a sleep over party.

We broke up after that and now here we are again a few days later as "friends" (my choice) only everything is the same.

I know it should be so easy to just give up and walk away but I'm having a really hard time.

I don't know for sure if they are still having a sexual relationship (my intuition says this is what is happening) or if they are trying to work things out and get back together or if they are in fact just really good friends and I need to back off.

I've tried to get answers from him but of course I'm always just being "crazy" and I don't have anything to worry about.

I am at a point now where I have to start respecting myself.   I'm not going to get answers from him so I thought of messaging her (only way I know how to contact her) to see if I should back off.

Is this completely against girl code? Maybe I really am crazy....I just would love to hear answers from her.  I fee like if this is all just innocent she is a big part of is life and I should maybe get to know her as well but I don't want to come off as captain insano!! Any advice?

Thanks!

Answer

I'd say get out of the relationship all together . They clearly both have feelings for each other . You need a relationship revolved around you not you and another girl. And ex is supposed to be past tense .

Answer

Do not mesage her. 
She wont let him alone right now especially if they were in a long term relationship. I've been there and i was always told im just "crazy" but 1 year later they were back together. My advice is leave him. He doesnt even listen to whats bothering you. Give yourself some space and see what happens. Take care of you💕

Answer

No you dont need to message her. You need to dump your boyfriend for good and move on. This is drama girl. Ridiculous unnecessary drama.

Answer

And you're with this guy why? If this was your friends situation you'd probably tell her to ditch him right? Yes, so do it

Answer

Girl don't contact her, she will make you feel like she's more powerful. It's hard but you need to break up with him because they are still in love (I know it's hurts to hear this), trust what you think/see more than what he tells you at the moment... these two have to tally for you to have peace of mind. I had a similar thing, he never admitted they were still together... "I feel bad, I don't want to ignore her" were always his words. His cousins even warned him but I was still believing him till the day he broke up with me over the phone, because "he has a girlfriend"😳

Answer

I don't know the whole story but if he's with you but lied and went to his ex's bday party that should tell you something already. I have been in on and off relationships and I don't think they're very healthy relationships. I also don't think it's worth your time to contact the ex. But I wish you luck on what it is that you choose to do.

Answer

Dnt waist your time-Leave him!

Answer

Thank you everyone! I decided against sending the message.  It isn't worth it!

Answer

I don't think that's normal at all. Message her, if it will help you. Hopefully she'll be truthful.

Answer

Sounds like he isn't willing to give her up to be with you. This is effectively choosing her over you. Step back for awhile and really figure out if you need him or not. I had a similar situation a few years back, where the guy chose a new experience over me so I left and didn't look back. At the time it was hard but I met an amazing man who I don't have to play games with.

should I message his ex?

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