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I'm going through so much emotion right now. I've been with my husband for 11 years. Married 9 this past October. I have a 17 year old daughter from a prior marriage and a 9 year old son from my current husband. We have had a rolller coaster of a marriage a lot of of partying and terrible fights and wonderful make ups we are great parents but on the younger side so we tend to have had a big social life but I have always had a career and been the money maker of the relationship ... as we got into our Mid thirties I started having mixed feelings of love and spite towards my husband because it seemed no matter what he couldn't be responsible and keep all these amazing jobs he would get and lose for stupid ass reasons. So the fighting and arguing over money and bills would get worse and worse. He has always had a bad temper never hit me of course but verbally call me nAmes like Bitch whore cunt etc and a few times in front of my kids while they were in their rooms. He would punch holes in walls when he would get pissed and it just started wearing on me that I deserved to be with someone who had more respect for me and our children and he would call my daughter a bitch cause you know teenage girls can be but I felt he never had the right to speak to her like that even if I did he shouldn't . He has had 2 DUIs since we have been together the last one he hit a parked car and almost killed himself and now has no license for 2 years and I'm just sick of it. I started traveling a lot for work meeting so many people and just seeing other lives and men that were successful and had their shit together and well when my husband messed up on his community service and had to do 30 days in jail I thought ok he will be gone he will
Come home learn a valuable lesson and we can grow from this cause he is not a criminal type by any means .... here is the sad part while he was gone I enjoyed my freedom being on my own and meeting people and just having fun so when he got out I gave it a week or two but knew right away that I needed to
Be alone by myself to feel happiness again experience the world and not stay married just to stay married. I feel intense guilt I go threw highs and lows .. my husband has moved out... devastated one week the next calling me a heartless cunt. I feel like I'm a selfish terrible person but at the same time I don't and it's just affected my whole life work is hard friends are torn kids are sad. I'm going out more to get my mind off things while he sits at home depressed .... I just want to be happpy that's all....
I just needed to vent this
Thanks for reading