secretly hoping

Does anyone ever secretly hope they're pregnant?  I'm 21 and want kids more than anything. But my boyfriend and I are long distance. He was just visiting and we had sex for he first time and multiple times haha  I know now obviously isn't an ideal time for us to have a kid.  And I know a lot of people would be disappointed in me. But part of me just hopes I am. I shouldn't be. I'm on birth control and he pulled out. Although he does have a lot of pre cum and I'm not sure if my BC works. My boobs are sore and I've had egg white CM these past few days when I'm usually already spotting old blood. I'm also exhausted and haven't stopped eating anything in sight. But I know these are all PMS symptoms (except the CM) I should be relieved when I get my period in a couple days, but I'll honestly be a little disappointed. Can anyone relate because my friends think I'm crazy haha