Cheating Liar 🤥 💔

first I owe you a serious sincere apology. I want to tell you the truth though. Because you deserve to hear it, and no offense but you're never going to hear one word of honesty from X. I believe you are a nice well mannered person. Today marks 1 year since I tried to rekindle my family. I honestly didn't know you and X were a couple at this time last year. I decided on June 12, 2015 to take a "break" from our relationship. I told him I was done and that he needed to take care of himself.  But regardless last January I realized how much I missed him, and missed us being a family, and as hard as he had tried between June - November to get back with me, I just wasn't having it. After 7 months of being apart I realized I WAS still in love with him. I called him on this day last January to confess my undying love for him and saying sorry and that I did want to be a family again. So i asked him what he did for New Year's eve (15-16). He said he was in NYC with some friends. I asked if there were any girls around. He said yes. Pretty much said you hooked up and it was a brief fling. I told him bawling my eyes out how hurt I was because even though we weren't together, to me we weren't really "broken up" I still thought we'd have a future. I cried for days, and days. He finally agreed the next week to meet up with me. It was the first time I'd seen him in almost 2 months, and we were together for almost 4 years. Oct 2011 - jun 2015. I talked to him everyday from January -March last year, and we did kiss , and a little more but not sex I promise you that! and he still told me that he loved me but never said why we couldn't get back together, just said he needed to work on himself more. And I understood. I asked him numerous times if he had a gf or was hiding anything and he kept saying no. Told me it was over once I came back into his life. I really thought things were getting better between us.  But I knew deep inside I still couldn't trust him. He was supposed to meet me at build a bear on Valentine's Day, but he bailed on me and said he was sick but that I could still come over. I did, and gave him candy and a huge poster sized collage I made of us  for him to remember how happy we were as a family. It took a lot of time and a lot of work. Then on his birthday I waited at his house for him until 10:30 at night because we wanted to see him. And I knew something was wrong and then he brought home a pizza when we were supposed to go out to dinner... Then the next week I kissed him one last time because I knew something just wasn't right, and then I saw him again like 2 weeks later. And from Jan - Marc we were seeing each other 2-3 times a week. So the first week of April I went over and had to use the bathroom and at the top of the trash can was a used condom, So I talked to X and told him to tell me the truth, as he did. Said you guys were together since December and had no excuse for why he couldn't tell you or me the truth. I was so disgusted with him from then on, I am so thankful I found out the truth when I did because he's a lying, cheating sack of shit, and I'm glad I don't have to put up with that anymore!"

I'm so hearth broken. He has always says how cheaters are awful and don't deserve to be in a relationship.

I don't have many friends, that's why I'm posting this here to hear some advice