should I say something?

Question

My cousin and I got pregnant and were due the exact same day! Unfortunately she lost her little one at 13 weeks and I am currently 27 weeks. She just received my baby shower invitation and I feel horrible that she is hurting  (she posted something on Facebook about it) I feel bad especially because me and my husband tried for two years before getting this little one so I know how hard it is to see other people pregnant while you aren't. Should I say something to her or what?

Answer

I would tell her you are sorry, and your feelings won't be hurt at all if she skips the shower. After a loss in June, I wouldn't have been able to go to a shower a few months later, with someone right around the same months that I should have been.

Answer

I love and admire your consideration, being one who lost a baby last year myself. I think you're doing just the right thing. She's happy for you but will still feel sad from time to time. I say just call her up and ask if she thinks she'll be up to attending, but you understand if she can't. The only thing that makes a loss worse is when people don't say anything (out of fear of saying the wrong thing, I suppose) and go on like it never happened. Sometimes the mom needs to talk about it. I had a classmate who was due a week apart from me. We'd text and so forth until my loss at 19 weeks, but she had her baby. She kept in touch and gave me space to grieve and checked on me after my surgery, and I still inquired to see if she was doing ok. Now she checks in periodically with this pregnancy, and they're almost ready to TTC again. It's just nice to know that people care.

Answer

Definitely talk to her! My cousin lost her son at 24 weeks and I was pregnant at the time. I called and asked if she wanted to come to my baby shower but she didn't have to. She chose not to but we still got together at a different time. She now has a 2 month son so it makes it a lot easier to be around her at family gatherings.

Answer

I think it would be a nice touch. After losing my twins I made excuses not to go to any baby stuff I was invited to. Somethings are just too hard.

Answer

I think it would be nice if you said something, but it's entirely up to you.

should I say something?

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