Is it wrong to change your SO even if it's for the better?

Question

I want my fiancé to stop smoking so much. Is it bad that I'm forcing him to change even though it's better for him?

Answer

I don't think forcing him will really help anyone, but helping him take steps to quit and supporting him and caring for him in his health is perfectly fine. Just as a warning, quitting smoking is not easy. In most cases it's easiest to just quit cold turkey but it is not going to be pleasent, for you or him. Depending on how bad of a smoker he is the first few weeks are usually the hardest, there will be lots of throwing up, insomnia, mood swings, overall anger towards others, he may shake alot and it will seem like he's on the brink of death but it is all part of the process. I remeber watching my mother when she tried to quit smoking, it was hard seeing her like that but when it was over I never saw her happier or healthier. I wish you and your husband the best and hope he finds the motivation to bring himself to good health ❤

Answer

I don't think it should be you changing him, I think he should want to change for himself. Changing for someone else and not yourself will not work in the long run, and usually leads to resentment.

Answer

I had this conversation with a friend of mine. I'm sorry, her husband is extremely good to her, but he's a drunk. There's an obvious problem there... and there's no getting around it. It is what it is. I told her, when she was venting to me one day, "You need to put your foot down." She immediately snapped back, "I'm not gonna try to change him. He's good to me. He treats me right. He's made me incredibly happy! Nope. Not gonna try to change him. Especially since he's not hurting anyone!" I then said, "Okay. I get it. But, you're wrong about him not hurting anyone! How many people have been killed by drunk drivers? Far too many! He's not only putting his life in danger, he's putting other lives in danger! You say you love him right? Well, what are you going to do if he's been out drinking and he has a fatal car accident while on his way home? Or, worse? What if he kills someone else in the process? Someone else's husband, or their son? Their brother? Etc etc... " She got quiet for a minute and she said, "I'd be wishing that could have helped him see the light before it was too late." If it changes the person for the better, there is absolutely nothing wrong with encouraging  them to stop negative behaviors and potentially fatal habits. If it's just something small and minuscule, and their really not really putting themselves, or others at risk, then it's probably not that big of a deal. But, if it's it putting their life, or someone else's life in danger, it is absolutely okay to expect them to change!

Answer

When I dated my husband he smoked and I hated it. I grew up around it and had so much 2nd hand smoke that I can't be around any kind of smoke without it hurting my lungs.

I pretty much begged him to stop and forced him to quit. I told him to choose between the cigarettes or me. He quit cold turkey and he's glad that I made him do it!! It's been over 8 years since he's had a smoke 😊❤

Answer

You can't force anything out of a grown man. I make suggestions to my fiancé and tell him how I feel but at the end of the day the decision is entirely his.

Answer

My mom told my dad that he had to stop smoking before they adopted my sister and I and he did it and never touched a cigarette again! It was her only request and he loved her and wanted us bad enough to do it. I guess it depends what you are trying to change..if it benefits your family, relationship and him, I don't see anything wrong with it.

Answer

I would try to change my husband is he was dangerously overweight, smoked or was a drunk. I would do what I could to help him change those habits. I wouldn't force him to change, but I would try to help him change. For the better of his health and our family and marriage.

Answer

I told alek I didn't like that he smoked when we started dating. I wouldn't kiss him after I wouldn't sit by him. It made me nauseous. And 6 months after we got engaged he finally quit. Now he doesn't have a horrendous smokers cough and he's 10× healthier

Answer

No it's not, LMAO I dated a guy once who smoked sooo much and I tried to get him to cut back and he got mad at me for "not accepting him" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Just know when to back off I guess because ultimately it's his own choice

Answer

You can't change anyone. They need to love you enough to change for you.

Is it wrong to change your SO even if it's for the better?

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